Wherever You Go
by Clairisant2000
Summary: This time it is AJ in a coma and Mac has to deal with the fact that he is there because he was saving her life. Now the question is, 'Can someone in a coma hear what is being said to them' Read the story and find out!
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Wherever You Go

AUTHOR: Clairisant

CLASSIFICATION: AJ/Mac.

FEEDBACK: Would love to hear both good and bad feedback but please try to be kind and constructive. Clairisant 

CREDITS: A special thank you to my beta readers Qupeydoll and Cyndi.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Conversation will be in double quotes and thoughts in single ones.

Chapter 1

Yesterday had started out as normal as any other day for Sarah Mackenzie. She woke exactly on time without the insistent ring of an alarm. She rolled out of bed directly into her morning fitness routine. After her nineteen minute work out she took a six minute shower, spent four point five minutes dressing, and used another thirteen minutes to have a cup of coffee, a bagel, and refill her briefcase. She locked her apartment door and headed for her car forty-three minutes after waking.

Her drive to work could take anywhere from twelve to seventeen minutes depending on the traffic, but by 0730 she was in the break room starting a pot of good strong coffee. Unless it was one of the mornings that Admiral AJ Chegwidden arrived just before she did, and then she would find him making the coffee. The two of them would chat casually about the weather, a current case, or the latest movie or book either of them had seen or read until the coffee was ready then both would fill a mug and head to their own individual offices to start the day.

She was already busy at work when the rest of the staff started arriving and kept hard at it until 0855 when she picked up the files she would need and headed to the conference room for the morning briefing. As usual, everyone updated the Admiral on current cases and then he passed out new ones. The meeting broke just before 1000 and both she and the Admiral headed to the break room to get another cup of coffee. Harriett had brought brownies for everyone and they both grabbed one before once again going to their individual offices.

Because it was a beautiful spring day, Mac had decided to have her salad outside in the small courtyard near the building. It seemed like most of the staff had the same idea because everyone from the bullpen was there eating as well. The only ones missing were PO Coates and the Admiral.

Just before 1300 everyone cleaned up their tables and headed back into the office. The trials and hearings would start again shortly so those heading to court needed to stop by their offices to gather up appropriate paperwork.

Mac rode up in the elevator with Harm since they were due in court together for the Ryan sentencing. Captain Jerrod Ryan, age fifty-two, had been found guilty of abusing his wife and two step-daughters. Those three would never have had the courage to come forward on their own however, so it wasn't until his girlfriend, Lieutenant Commander Peggy Dalton, had filed charges of physical abuse against her lover who was also her boss, that his home life was investigated. Ryan was now facing the sentencing portion of his trial on all four charges. Mac, as the prosecutor, was pushing for the maximum sentence since during the entire trial, Ryan had shown no remorse for his actions or desire to seek counseling.

They had shared the ride up with one of the court reporters, a Lieutenant JG that Mac later regretted not even remembering her name. The three in the elevator heard shouting as they were moving up, but had no idea of the turmoil that they would be walking into.

Jerrod Ryan wasn't going to prison because he had simply put four broads in their places! Women were put on this earth to service men and if they didn't, they needed to be disciplined! He was sure his defense attorney felt the same way he did. Jerrod had seen Commander Harmon Rabb nod a couple of times while listening to his story and had even smiled once. Jerrod had been sure that the Commander would be able to get him off, that was until they had gotten into court and he got a taste of that damn Marine Colonel that was prosecuting his case!

Oh, and taste her was just the tip of the iceberg of what he had wanted to do to her until she started presenting her case against him. Then all he could think of was putting Colonel Sarah Mackenzie in her place just like he had with the others! She was relentless in court, getting his wife and his girlfriend to testify and even presenting statements from the counselors treating his two step-daughters. Just because they were ten and thirteen, you would think that they should somehow be treated differently? 'One should train them early!' Jerrod believed. One day their future husbands would thank him!

To be continued….


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Nonetheless that broad, the Colonel, had done her job all too well and Jerrod had been found guilty on all four charges. He had insisted that Rabb try and make some kind of deal for him on the sentencing, but it was clear that when all was said and done, Rabb must have been pussy-whipped by that bitch Marine!

Now he was facing a sentencing hearing by the same members that found him guilty and there was no way he was ready to accept that. Not having thought the plan through, merely acting on instinct as any good fighter did, he saw an opportunity and took it. He had been deliberately dragging his feet, not seeing any need to hurry to a hearing that he couldn't accept the results of anyway. So when one of his guards nudged him along Jerrod purposely stumbled, figuring that they would do exactly what they did. Both men reached out to keep their prisoner from falling and that gave Jerrod the chance he had been hoping for.

Twisting his whole body to the left, he was able to reach out and pull the gun from the holster of the Marine on that side of him. Assuming correctly that the man would lunge out to try and get his weapon back, Jerrod shuffled back a few steps. Having a firm hold on the gun even though his hands were cuffed together, he pointed it at the guards and ordered them to back up. Not being able to move quickly because of his leg restraints, he needed them to move away.

Since all this was taking place in the hallway right outside of the bullpen, Admiral AJ Chegwidden was alerted by the commotion. Stepping into the hall he immediately sized up the situation and after ordering everyone out of the hallway he was prepared to start reasoning with the Captain holding the gun.

Jerrod, however, knew the value of hostages, and shouted for everyone to stay where they were. Just to prove he meant what he said, he shot the PO, who was still moving towards the stairs, in the leg.

The three in the elevator heard the shot seconds before the elevator pinged and the doors opened. Cursing the fact that they weren't armed, Mac and Harm nonetheless took up defensive postures and prepared for the worst. The young Lieutenant JG with them looked at both in fear, wondering what to do.

Knowing that whoever was in the elevator would have no idea of what they were stepping into, AJ moved quickly to put his body between the gunman and anyone who might step out.

Harm held his hands together with both pointers out trying to make it look like he held a weapon. Seeing this, Mac did the same, as she remembered the time in Ireland they had done this and how well it had worked. Indicating that he would go first, Harm cautiously stepped out of the elevator in a semi-crouch position. Only seeing the back of someone in his way he looked around the male form to see that it was his client, Captain Ryan, with the gun.

Quickly opening his hands and standing up straight, Harm realized that the male form protecting the elevator was Admiral Chegwidden. Giving the briefest thought to how like the Admiral it was to do that, Harm spread his hands in a placating manner and said, "Captain, what do you think you're going to accomplish by this foolishness?"

Ryan had just enough time to snarl, "Not go to prison!" before he saw Colonel Sarah Mackenzie stepping out of the elevator.

The 'woman' was the cause of all of his recent troubles and with her out of the way, he reasoned that his troubles would vanish too. "Back off Commander! I don't want someone that thinks like I do to get hurt here!"

"What makes you think I think you like you Ryan? It was simply my job to defend you and I did it to the best of my ability. The evidence against you was what got you convicted!"

"Harm!" the Admiral warned, causing him to look at his CO as Ryan began to speak again.

"Then I guess it doesn't matter if you're in my way!" he snapped as the shot rang out, hitting Harm in the left arm and spinning him around in a half circle. It was the pain that caused him to slide down the wall till he was sitting on the floor.

That however, was what gave Ryan a clear shot at Mac. With a snarl of, "Die bitch!" he fired again.

To be continued….


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Even as AJ mentally wondered why Harm hadn't understood his warning, he saw the hatred in Captain Ryan's eyes and realized it was directed at Mac. Shouting, "NO!" he wrapped his arms around her and tumbled them both to the floor. Rolling up against the wall with his body covering hers, protecting her.

Seeing the Admiral sweep that bitch out of the line of fire caused him to see red and he began firing wildly at anyone in the hall. Bullets were flying and Jerrod was distracted enough that the guard who still had his own weapon was able to draw it and place a shot between Captain Ryan's eyes. The man had gotten his wish. He wouldn't be going to prison. Unfortunately, before he fell, he managed to graze Sturgis in the leg and a shot that ricocheted off the water cooler hit the woman in the elevator.

Although Bud Roberts saw it happen and dived in to try and offer aid, the bullet had hit the jugular vein in her neck and she bled out before he could do anything to stop it.

Mac thrilled to have him want to protect her, even though she knew she could have gotten out of the way herself. It felt so good to have his arms around her, even if, as a Marine, she didn't need to be saved. Her heart raced to be laying under him like this, even if duty and regulations forbade it in any other circumstance. Her soul soared to feel his cheek against hers, was he taking this hidden chance to do something inappropriate? Her blood pounded when she heard that Captain Ryan had been killed while they were lying there, and still the Admiral didn't move off of her.

Through the entire incident in his arms Mac's eyes had been closed so she could savor being so close to him, but as her blood was pounding in her ears she felt a drip on her cheek. Was AJ crying? As the question popped into her head another drop hit her cheek. Her eyes opened and her head turned to look at him as a third drop fell on her lips.

It was salty, but it wasn't a tear! It was the salty-coppery taste of blood! As her eyes widened in horror she realized AJ was bleeding from a head wound! She tried to pull her hands free to see if he was alive, but he had her arms pinned so tightly to her sides she couldn't get them free.

Calling out that the Admiral had been shot brought help to their side in an instant. When they gently tried to roll him off of her they found that he was holding her so tight that she was pulled over on top of him. While Mac would have enjoyed that position any other time all she could think of right then was getting him to the help he needed.

Since none of the other injuries were life threatening and the Lieutenant JG was beyond help, Admiral Chegwidden was lifted in the strong arms of two Marines and taken to the roof where the medivac would rush him to Bethesda. Mac rushed to stay at his side, calling out that she was going to the hospital with him.

The ride to the hospital was surreal. The noise from the helicopter was intensely loud, but the paramedic inside worked completely in silence. Mac shouted to be heard when asked for AJ's age, height, weight, and next of kin. She knew and understood about gunshot wounds and one to the head was about as bad as it could get, but facing the fact that they would need to contact AJ's family sent a chill through her heart.

Flipping open her cell phone she called Bud. She knew that if she had to hear news like this she would rather it come from someone as caring as Bud, rather than a hospital staff person. When Bud answered her call and discovered the reason for it, he asked if he should call the Admiral's sister in Texas as well. Mac swallowed hard and said 'yes'. Bud told her that he and Harriett would keep the Admiral in their prayers before he hung up.

After talking to him, that was what she started doing as well. As much as she wanted to reach out and touch AJ, to even just hold his hand, she couldn't because the paramedic needed room to work. All she could do was pray.

To be continued….


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The helicopter landed on the roof of the hospital and based on the report from the paramedic en-route, he was rushed directly into surgery. Mac followed as far as she could, before he was taken through a set of doors she wasn't allowed entrance through. The nurse on duty came to her and showed her to the surgical waiting room. She also handed her a clipboard full of forms to be filled out.

Most of it was easy. Name, rank, address, plus she even knew his social security number and military ID number. The last two weren't common knowledge, but to a woman in love who wanted to know everything about the man that she loved that she could…well even the fact she could fill in those lines brought her a small degree of comfort. However she didn't know his insurance policy number and when she came to the section on emergency contact, no matter how much she wanted to put her name down and on the 'relationship' line as his 'wife', she knew it could never be. Instead she filled in his daughter's information and took the forms back to the nurse.

Knowing it was much too soon for an update on his condition Mac returned to the waiting room to do just that, wait.

Harm had come in to have his wound treated and stopped by the waiting room for a time. He reported that the bullet that hit him had passed through the fleshy part of his upper arm missing the bone completely. Although he would need to wear a sling for a week or so, he would be fine. Sturgis' leg wound had been so minor he had been treated on the spot and had been left in charge of the office while Harm had come to the hospital.

Asking how long she was planning on staying, he was firmly told, "Until I know he is going to be okay!"

"Mac, he might not…"

She stopped him mid sentence with her glare. "Don't you even think he's going to die Harm!"

"Hell Mac! I know the Admiral is a fighter, but it was a head shot! All I was going to say was that even if he lives he might not ever be 'all right' again."

She had thought of that herself and knowing what a vital and active man AJ was, she knew he wouldn't want to live out his life only half alive. But for right now all she could focus on was his survival, the rest would come later.

When she didn't answer, Harm patted her hand and said, "Bud reached Francesca and she should be here some time tonight. When I left the office to come here he was still trying to reach the Admiral's sister. It seems she was out 'riding fences' whatever that means. He was going to keep trying to get in touch with her."

Mac nodded and thanked him then looked up eagerly when a nurse came into the room. Her spirits fell again when the woman went over to talk to the middle-age couple on the other side of the room. She'd learned their son had been in a motorcycle accident and had been in surgery for nearly an hour when Mac had arrived. From the cries of relief, it seemed the nurse had brought them good news.

Harm told her to call if she needed anything and left.

Two hours, seventeen minutes and forty-one seconds after Harm left, the nurse came back into the waiting room. Since Mac was the only one there, she knew the information would be about AJ. He was out of surgery, the nurse told her, and four hours, twenty-three minutes and eight seconds after going in, he was now in recovery. He was alive, but it was still uncertain if he would stay that way, the nurse reported. Mac was also told that she could see him when he was moved out of recovery and into ICU, if she was family.

Mac informed her that she was the closest thing he had to family until his daughter arrived from out of the country or his sister from out of state. She added that she was his Chief of Staff and tried to joke, "Kind of like if the Navy had issued him a wife."

The nurse smiled sympathetically because she could tell this Marine loved the man in question, and even though that was against regulations if they were in the same chain of command, the nurse had a woman's heart. "I can see that you're allowed in, but once his family arrives, it will be up to them."

"I understand," Mac assured her.

"He should be in ICU within the hour. I'll come and get you then."

"Thank you," she said as she sat back down for more waiting.

To be continued….


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Fifty-six long minutes later the nurse returned to say that AJ had been transferred into ICU and she could go and see him now. Mac hadn't been to the ICU since the hospital had remodeled two years ago. The open ward with beds on each side of the room and the nurses' station at one was gone. Now there were six rooms placed in octagonal formation with the double doors to the unit filling one side and a pair of restrooms taking up the eighth. In the middle was a circular nurses' station for easy monitoring of each room. Because the wall of each room facing the station was glass and had an archway rather than a door the staff could see everything and if there was a problem they could get to their patient quickly. Mac admired the combination of practicality and privacy this provided.

She was led to room two, noticing that only three of the other five rooms were occupied. Hesitating for a moment at the archway to come to terms with what the nurse had said on their walk there, Mac took a deep breath hoping to calm herself, before entering the room. "Coma," the nurse had said, and added that the doctors had done all they could. It was all up to the Admiral now, whether he came out of it or not. It wouldn't be until he came around that they would know how much brain damage he had suffered. That chilled Mac, she had said 'how much' not 'if any'.

Walking up to the bed she thought of how many times she had fantasized about seeing him in bed…but never like this! His head was bandaged and there were tubes running all over. He was pale and so very still, not the vigorous active man she had come to know and love.

"Oh AJ!" she whispered, placing her hand over his on the bed. Knowing that if she didn't get a hold of herself, she would be reduced to tears, Mac allowed her anger and frustration at the situation to take control of her.

"How could you have done something so stupid?" she demanded.

'It was stupid to save your life?'

"And don't give me that 'saved your life' line!"

'It isn't a line!'

"I could have gotten out of the way just fine on my own you know!"

'I saw the shot coming and you didn't.'

"I am a Marine and Marine's can take care of ourselves!"

'I know you can, but it's in my nature to jump in when needed.'

"I know you think you were doing your duty, but how will it look to every one else?"

'They will just think I acted first.'

"They'll think that you believe I need protecting because I'm a woman!"

'They will not! I tried to warn Harm too. He didn't listen.'

"I mean all you did was give Harm a verbal warning even if he wasn't paying attention!"

'Harm was only in the way, you were Ryan's main target!'

"I don't care if Harm only got a flesh wound and Ryan was aiming to kill me, I am just so mad at you…"

She would have continued her tirade, but at six hours, fifty-eight minutes, and ten seconds after he was shot, AJ's daughter hurried into the room. Mac's first thought was that she had really made good time since the flight from Italy was four hours long. Her second thought was that she hoped Francesca wouldn't send her away.

Francesca stood quietly at her father's bedside for a moment, her hand stroking his right cheek. Mac wondered if she were praying. Then Francesca's eyes rose and she looked Mac. "You are Sarah? Yes?" she questioned.

"Yes, I work with your father. We met at the party at his home."

"Si' I remember. Papa' speaks of you often. Can you tell me what happened? On the phone Mr. Roberts would only say he was shot."

"A prisoner facing sentencing grabbed a guard's gun and started shooting up the place. He had it out for me because I prosecuted the case. When your father saw he was going to shoot at me, he pulled me out of the way and got shot himself. Your father saved my life."

"That is so like Papa'. However, I am sure that you feel guilty that he is the one lying here, si'?"

'Hell no! She was yelling at me when you came in!'

To be continued….


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Yes! There is no way I would want him to sacrifice his life for mine!"

Francesca smiled knowingly. She did understand, but all she replied was, "Have they said how he is doing? The nurse would only say he is in a coma, and that I would have to wait for the doctor to tell me more."

"The one that showed me in said there was some damage to the optic nerve, but that they wouldn't know just how bad it was until he woke up," Mac answered with a catch in her voice.

"Did they say when that would be?"

"No, they wouldn't even offer a guess," she reported sadly.

"Thank you for being honest and not trying to sugar coat things for me." Taking a slow breath, Francesca continued, "Is there a hotel nearby that you could recommend? When I have visited in the past I have always stayed with Papa', but I would like to be closer in case…you understand?"

"I do, and I would suggest the Willard. Why don't I go and see about getting you a room while you visit with your father?"

"That would be lovely, thank you…may I call you Sarah?"

"Most people call me Mac."

"Not Papa', whenever he spoke of you he always referred to you as Sarah."

'Oh way to go, daughter! Give away all my secrets!'

"Sarah would be fine then," Mac replied and left the room.

"I see what you see in her Papa'. She is very sweet."

'Of course she is! Although she sees herself as hard as nails.'

"You really should have a fashion designer do some work on those uniforms though! The cut and color do nothing for her! She would be beautiful in softer materials and colors."

'Sarah is beautiful no matter what she wears.'

"Although I am sure that her clothing was the least of your concerns when you took a bullet meant for her."

'I had to save her life, Francesca!'

"I just hope that you will use this incident to find a way to tell her how you feel about her!"

'If I had any reason to believe that she would return my feelings, I would!'

"Well, since you are being stubborn and not waking up to talk to me even after I have come so far to see you, I am going to get some dinner. I think I will take your Sarah with me, I doubt she has eaten since this happened."

'That's fine. Just don't go blabbing about my feelings for her!'

Mac had just finished booking a room for Francesca when the woman in question came into the hallway.

Seeing Mac at the payphone, she approached and asked, "Any luck?"

"Yes, I've reserved a room for you starting tonight and told them it would be an indefinite stay."

"Thank you Sarah. I was going to go and get some dinner now, will you please join me?"

"Oh, I don't think I could eat. It it's alright with you I will just go and sit with your father."

"Sarah, there is nothing that can be gained by that and we both need to eat. I told the nurses where we would be and they will page us if there is any change at all."

Seeing the determination in the other woman's eyes Mac relented and the two of them headed for the hospital cafeteria.

They got their food and chose a table in the nearly deserted cafeteria before Francesca took a sip of her coffee and then calmly asked, "So, how long have you been in love with my Papa'?"

Mac almost choked on her coffee while Francesca just sat there smiling smugly. Eying the woman only a few years younger than herself, Mac wondered if she was trying to show approval or sympathy by her question. From the look on her face she knew that denying the truth would do no good. "Eight years, three months, twenty-four days…and I could go into the hours and minutes if you like…"

"Oh…ummm that won't be necessary," Francesca replied looking a little stunned at such a precise time reference. "And are you ever going to tell him?" she asked gently.

To be continued….


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"No, Francesca. That's something I can never do."

"Because of the silly rules your military places on you?"

"Regulations…and yes, because of them."

"I would not let the government control my heart!"

"It doesn't. I love your father wholeheartedly."

"But you will not tell him that?"

"No, and you have to promise me that you won't tell him either! What I have told you has to be between us!"

"I will not tell him…but I think you should."

Mac's cell phone rang saving her from stating again, that telling AJ of her feelings wasn't an option. Seeing Bud's cell phone number on the caller ID she answered, "Yes, Bud?"

"Colonel, I finally reached the Admiral's sister in Texas. She will get the first flight out in the morning."

"Thank you, Bud."

"Colonel…how is the Admiral?"

"There hasn't been any change. Francesca arrived, we were just finishing dinner, and we were just about to go back to his room now."

"Harriett is very worried about him, Ma'am."

"As we all are. I will call if there is any change."

"Thank you, Colonel. We will stop in and see him tomorrow."

"Alright, Bud, good night."

"Good night, Ma'am."

When she saw that Francesca had cleared off the table as she had talked to Bud, she thanked her and the two of them headed for the elevator. Mac told her Bud's news about AJ's sister and that was confirmed when they arrived in ICU and the nurse on duty handed Francesca a message.

"It is from Adele. She called to see how he was and left word that she would be here in the morning."

Mac nodded and they entered AJ's room together. For the next several hours they talked quietly or were silent, sharing each others supportive presence until around 2300 hours when Francesca could no longer keep her eyes open. Explaining that it must be a combination of jetlag and the time difference, she said she would go and check into her hotel to get some sleep. After encouraging Mac to go home and do the same, Francesca leaned over her father, kissing his cheek and whispering something in his ear before leaving.

Since Mac had no intention of leaving she had told Francesca that she would see her in the morning.

The nurses had told the two of them earlier in the evening to feel free to help themselves to coffee whenever they wanted it, showing them to the small station where they kept a pot brewing at all times. After Francesca had left, Mac got up to get another cup. At this time of night it was actually as strong as she normally liked it. When one of the nurses offered to make a fresh pot as she saw Mac pouring the last of the old one into her mug, Mac smiled and said she was a Marine and was used to coffee that strong.

She went back into AJ's room with a smile still on her lips and paused next to his bed. Placing her hand over his, she said, "Your daughter and I spent some time getting to know each other this evening."

'As long as she didn't tell you about my feelings for you, that is fine.'

"I really like her."

'I wish there was a reason for me to be glad about the two of you getting along.'

One of the night nurses came in to check on AJ and to change his IV bottle, while she did that, Mac went back to her chair and finished her coffee, staring out the window. Not that there was much of a view since ICU overlooked one of the parking lots, but Mac was lost in thought about what Francesca had said at dinner. She fell asleep wondering if AJ's daughter was right and that she should take this chance to tell him how she really felt. After all, wouldn't it be better to know once and for all how he felt in return instead of always wondering about those few fleeting moments of attraction over the years?

To be continued….


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The first rays of dawn woke her and she realized how stiff and sore she was from sleeping in a chair when she got up to see how he was doing. Even as she crossed to the bed, she was berating herself for having fallen asleep. However, it was clear from the monitors and his continued stillness that there had been no change while she slept. Mac knew that the nurses would have awakened her if there had been.

Pulling her chair closer to the bed so she could sit next to him and hold his hand, Mac sighed and started to talk, "I came to a decision last night based on something your daughter said."

'Oh great! What did she say?'

"She told me that I should take this chance to tell you how I really feel about you."

'And that would be?'

"So as soon as you wake up I am going to tell you…"

"Good morning, you must be Sarah," an attractive woman dressed casually in a blouse and jeans said as she entered the room.

'Great! Your timing is as awful as it always was, sis!'

Mac stood and took the outstretched hand the older woman offered, confirming that she was Sarah Mackenzie, AJ's Chief of Staff.

"I'm his sister, Adele," the woman needlessly offered, the resemblance was very clear. "How is he doing this morning?"

'He's annoyed that you came in when you did, Delly!'

"There hasn't been any change I'm afraid."

With a resigned nod, she asked, "I left a message for his daughter last night. Do you know if she got it?"

"Yes, we were just coming back from dinner when the nurse gave it to her. She was so exhausted from her flight and worry about her father that she went to the hotel just before midnight. She said she would be back this morning."

"Well, I'm glad he had someone here with him through the night. Thank you for staying."

"It's my fault that he's here, I couldn't leave!"

'It is not!'

"I'm sure that's not true," Adele protested.

'You tell her, Delly!'

"But it is! If he hadn't been trying to save my life he wouldn't have gotten hit. If he dies…" Mac couldn't finish that statement as her throat locked up and her tears flowed.

'I'm NOT going to die!'

"Oh my dear! Don't think that way! Albert is as tough as old boots and will fight to survive."

'You're darn right, Delly! But stop calling me Albert, especially in front of Sarah!'

Mac tried to stop her tears as Adele went on trying to distract her, "You know, he hates it when I call him Albert. He started demanding to be called AJ when he was about ten years old and everyone complied because he had such a strong personality even then, well except for with me! There wasn't anyway I was going to let the runt bully me! Had to keep him on his toes you know!" she chuckled.

'Great! Between you and Francesca, I won't have any secrets left!'

"Somehow it's hard to picture him as someone's 'little brother'," Mac stated with a half grin.

'Yeah! I've always been taller than her anyway! Runt, my ass!'

"I know, but I can't help taunting him with the fact that I was born sixteen minutes before him."

"I bet he hated that!"

'Yes, I did!'

"Yes, he did," Adele chuckled.

"I imagine you'd like some time alone with your brother. I'll go down to the cafeteria and get some breakfast, however if you wouldn't mind I'd like to come back when I'm done?"

"Of course I don't mind! Please do come back Sarah!"

"Thank you, Ms. Chegwidden."

"Oh please call me Adele."

'Or Delly!'

"Thank you, Adele. I'll be back shortly."

As soon as Mac left the room Adel turned to her brother and said, "As for you, little brother, you need to wake up and do something about to put that poor girl out of her misery!"

'And just what do you suggest I do?'

"You need to tell her how you feel about her."

'Wow, between you and Francesca I can't get a minutes peace on that subject!'

"Francesca and I have talked about this, and what I can't understand is what if the two of us have figured out how you feel about her, how is it that she hasn't?"

'Because you are both busy bodies and Sarah isn't!'

"Maybe she isn't as intelligent as you have led us to believe all these years Albert?"

'Sarah is VERY intelligent, and stop calling me Albert!'

"I mean, how could we figure it out being great distances away while she sees you every day and hasn't figured it out."

'I think I mentioned busy bodies!'

To be continued….


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"I know what a stick in the mud you can be about your regulations and all, but I would think an experience like this would get you to at least think about telling her."

"Are you talking about Sarah, Aunt Adele?" Francesca asked as she entered the room and heard the end of what Adele had been saying.

"Yes, she is a lovely young woman and it's about time your father had someone in his life!"

"I agree with you completely! Now what do you think we should do to get them together?"

'NOTHING!'

"Well, locking them in a room together until they come to their senses won't do much good with him in this condition."

"True," Francesca agreed. "Do you think we should suggest she try and wake him with a kiss?"

'Hell no! She would go running from the hospital!'

"While it works in fairy tales, I'm not sure it would do much good in real life."

'Thank god!'

"But think of the fun if it worked and then they would be faced with trying to explain to the other why it worked."

"Since I doubt we could convince Sarah to do it, we'll just have to come up with another plan."

'No, please don't!'

"By the way, where is she? I couldn't convince her to go home and sleep last night, how did you?"

"She hasn't left the hospital. She only went down to the cafeteria to get breakfast."

"Still you are doing better than I. Last night she would only go because I went with her."

"I think she just wanted to give me some time alone with him."

"She did the same for me. Sarah is a very considerate woman. Papa' would do well with her as his wife."

'WIFE! Now hold on there daughter, where did that come from?'

"You wouldn't mind having a step-mother as young as Sarah?"

"No, why should I mind? I only want Papa' to be happy."

'Well thank you for that daughter, but marrying Sarah is out of the question!'

"I think she would make him very happy."

'Delly, have you been peeking into my dreams?'

"From the secret she told me at dinner last night…"

'Secret?!'

"Good morning Francesca. I'm glad that I brought three coffees back with me now," Mac said as she entered the room with a small tray. "I didn't know how you liked yours Adele, so I left it black and brought the cream and sugar along."

'She's a wimp and has to have cream and sugar in it.'

"Just cream these days, sugar is bad for the figure at my age."

"You don't look like you need to worry about it. You look as fit as your brother."

"Well, running a ranch takes a lot of physical activity. I don't see how Albert can stay fit up here."

'I run.'

"He runs, five miles three times a week, and ten on Saturday or Sunday."

"Wow!" his sister exclaimed.

'Wow! I didn't know she knew my schedule that well!'

"None of the other men in our office work out that much," Mac offered.

"Maybe he feels he needs to do more because of his age?" Adele guessed.

'Hell no!'

"I have a feeling it has more to do with his having been a SEAL and staying fighting fit."

"But he sits at a desk all day!" Adele protested.

"If you could have seen him rescue me when I was kidnapped Aunt Adele, you wouldn't say that."

"He also saved Harm and I in Russia. He saved Harm aboard a ship, and kept Bud and I safe from a gunman in our offices. Not to mention this latest rescue!"

"Amazing!"

"Yes he is," Mac agreed with Adele.

When her stomach rumbled loudly, Adele laughed and said, "I never could stand airline food. Francesca why don't you come and have breakfast with me?" she in essence ordered, as she took her niece by the arm and led her from the room even over Francesca's protests that she'd eaten at the hotel. "I want to know more about this secret Sarah told you," Adel insisted as they entered the elevator.

'Great! Now I'll probably never hear the secret!'

Left alone with AJ, Mac sighed and said, "I hope that I was right about why you work out as hard as you do."

'You were, but why?'

"Because it's already unfair to any other man that I meet that I compare them to you and find them wanting!"

'Say what?!'

To be continued….


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Even that first day when I met you and Harm and Bud. I was understandably nervous about meeting my new CO. Then there was all that distraction about Harm's old girl friend, but still it was you that stood out with your calm. Then there was the gentle way you handled Bud's confusion about the car, when you could have been mean and sarcastic."

'Sarah, what are you saying?'

"As I got to know you, I only found more things to admire. Your maturity versus Harm's boyishness was so refreshing."

'I thought women liked boyish charm?'

"That 'aw gee shucks' attitude of his wore thin rather quickly."

'Who knew?'

"Then there was Dalton. He had the same level of power and authority that you did, but he was all about what that could get him instead of how to help others."

'But you mourned him.'

"Don't get me wrong, I was very sorry he was killed, but that was as deep as it went."

'So what about Brumby?'

"And then there was Mic. His sense of humor was a lot like yours. A very dry wit, but with him, it hid a mean streak."

'If he hurt you, I will hunt him down and…'

"I'm glad I broke it off when I did, because I think he could have turned mean."

'You broke it off because Harm was lost at sea.'

"It was so easy to let everyone think that we broke up because of Harm, but it was really what happened when we danced…"

'Huh?'

"…and then there was Clay…"

'Wait! Go back to the dancing part!'

"…that had to have been the most pathetic reason for starting a relationship of all, and again all because of you…"

'ME!?'

"Oh Ma'am is he awake?" Harriett asked and she and Bud came into the room.

Startled Mac spun around to face the newcomers. Taking a slow breath she answered, "No, he's still in a coma."

"But I thought we heard you talking to him," she sighed sadly as they approached the bed.

"I was just encouraging him to come around."

'Lies! And I want to hear the rest of what you had to say! As much as I love Bud and Harriett, could you get rid of them so I can get to the bottom of all this?!'

"Well, if he would come around for anyone, I'm sure it would be for you, Ma'am!" Bud insisted.

"What do you mean by that, Bud?" Mac questioned.

'Yeah, just what do you mean by that, Bud?'

"I just meant that he was saving your life when he was shot and with as much as he likes and respects you, if he would come around for anyone it would surely be you…"

"Buddy, you're babbling, darling," Harriett told him.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to go on like that. It's just that I didn't want you to think that I meant that anything that shouldn't be going on was going on…"

'He's babbling again.'

"Buddy, you're babbling again."

Blushing he hung his head and remained quiet.

"Bud, its fine. I didn't think you were implying that anything inappropriate was going on."

'One could only wish!'

"Thank you, Ma'am!"

"Have the doctors said anything about how long they expect the Admiral to be out?" Harriett asked.

"No, they said it was all up to him now."

"Well, he is strong and I'm sure that it will be soon!" Harriett said a bit tearfully.

"We all hope so Harriett," Mac responded, as Francesca and Adele returned from breakfast.

Mac introduced them to Bud and Harriett, but before she could do more than that one of the nurses came into the room as well. The room full of visitors had proved to be too much for the nurses on duty. She explained that there was only supposed to be two visitors at a time and that some of them would have to leave. Bud and Harriett quickly apologized and said that of course it was his family that should stay. They quickly made their exit. Once it was down to the three women, the nurse smiled and said, "I understand that all of you want to stay, so as long he isn't disturbed, I can allow the three of you to remain."

To be continued….


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

'But I am disturbed! With my daughter and sister here, Sarah won't finish telling me what she was going to!'

"That is very kind of you, nurse. Thank you," Adele said, and the three of them were left alone with AJ.

"It's very nice of her to allow me to remain since I'm not family. I thank the two of you for allowing that too, but since you are both here and he is stable, maybe I should go."

'NO!'

"That is not necessary Sarah!" Francesca protested.

"Well, I should go and get some things done. A shower and a change of clothes are called for at the very least! This is your father's blood on my uniform. Also if I want to be here after this weekend, I need to do some work on my current cases so someone else can take them over for me. Then if it's okay with the two of you, I'd like to come back this evening?"

'Even if it's not okay with them, I want you here!'

"Of course it's alright Sarah," Adele assured her.

"Thank you…I will see you both…all this evening."

After Mac had left Francesca said, "I was tempted to tell her that we consider her family. I wonder how she would have reacted to that?"

"Oh that's nothing!" Adele chuckled. "I almost suggested that she kiss him good-bye!"

'Good Lord! Between the two of you it's enough to give a man a heart attack!'

Francesca giggled at her Aunt's suggestion and then sobered as she remembered what Sarah had said, "Sarah was suggesting that Papa' could still be in this coma on Monday. I hadn't thought about how long I might need to stay when Mr. Roberts' called. Knowing how strong Papa' is, I only packed for a few days. While I can buy more clothes, if I am needed here for a while, I will need to rearrange some things on my calendar."

"That's all well and good Francesca, but if you do have commitments that you can't get out of, please feel free to go. The ranch can run just fine without me for a while and I can call every few days to check in. Even if both of us had to be away for a short time, Sarah will be here. Remember she's family too."

'She is not…as much as I wish she were!'

At home, Mac couldn't keep herself from dwelling on the things that Francesca had said to her and even the impressions she had gotten from AJ's sister. Should she see this as an opportunity to finally tell him how she felt? She had even started to there in the hospital but of course that was all because of the safety of his being in a coma. Could she tell him when/if he woke up? Should she tell him? She had to believe that he would come out of this. How could she face life knowing he died for her?

So after hours of wrestling with her own thoughts which had greatly slowed down the work she was trying to get done, all she could come up with was to try it out on him while he was out of it. Then maybe she would find a way to tell him when he regained consciousness.

She had called Harm right before leaving her apartment to update him on all of her cases and her recommendations on who could best handle them while she was out of the office. When he questioned her on what she hoped to gain by staying by the Admiral's bedside, she insisted that the least she could do for the man who had saved her life was to sit with him while he recovered. Harm said Bud had told him both the Admiral's sister and daughter were there with him, and then asked how many people did he need at his bedside. Mac snapped out, "As many as want to be there!" and hung up.

Still fuming a bit when she arrived in ICU she was told by the nurse on duty that Francesca and Adele had just gone down to dinner and would be back shortly. After also saying that there had been no change in the Admiral's condition, she returned to her files and Mac entered AJ's room.

"So, you're still just lying there?"

'Until you finish telling me what you started to earlier I am.'

"Well, I promised myself that I would at least tell you the truth while you were unconscious, but it remains to be seen if I have the courage to tell you when you're awake.

'Well, get on with it before those busy bodies get back!'

To be continued….


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"I think I left off with why I started seeing Clay."

'I would rather hear about what happened while we were dancing!'

"I guess there were really two reasons. The first was the animosity between the two of you. I thought that you might take notice and voice your objections. The other was that he was so incredibly protective in Paraguay, and so wonderfully sweet after that. He really did care for me in his 'can't tell you anything' spy way, but when it came right down to it, he wasn't you."

'So what does all this mean?'

"Did you ever wonder why I had that Seal pup poster up on my office wall?"

'No, I guess I hadn't really thought about it.'

"It was to remind me that was the only SEAL I could have. That I wasn't good enough for the one on the other side of that wall, and that no matter how much I loved you, you would never return my feelings."

'You LOVE me!?'

"I bet you had no idea that I felt that way about you, did you?"

'Not a clue!'

"Or of how many nights I've dreamed of being in your arms?"

'Maybe as many as I've dreamed about having you there?'

"Do you have any idea that for me the biggest regret of the last ten years has been that you pulled back instead of kissing me?"

'If I'd had any idea you felt like this I wouldn't have! Then we could have worked out a way for us to be together!'

"Sarah you got back!" Adele exclaimed as she and Francesca came into the room.

'Not now you two! Your timing leaves a LOT to be desired!'

"Yes, I must have just missed you from what the nurse said. So I've been here giving AJ a hard time about faking this just so he could have some time off."

"You would think he could have found an easier way!" Francesca teased.

'Funny daughter!'

Then as if a light had gone out, Francesca sobered and questioned, "But what if he never does wake up? There has been so little time since he and I got back in contact and I am not ready to let him go yet!"

'You won't have to Darlin'. I'm going to be fine.'

"I don't think any of us are ready to let him go," Mac sighed.

"Well, I know I'm not. There's still so much tormenting left to do!" Adele said as she smiled at the two younger women.

'That's the only reason I've heard so far for not recovering! But after what Sarah just told me before the two of you came back it's no where near good enough to pass up a chance with her!'

"Well then we will all just have to keep our hopes up and help in any way we can with his recovery," Mac offered as cheerfully as she could.

'That's my Sarah! And you will be mine when this is all said and done. I promise you that!'

After the three of them talked for a bit longer, Adele finally said, "While you were gone this afternoon, I booked a room at the Willard to be close like Francesca. Since I've been here all day, I think I will go and check in and see if I can get some sleep. Will you be here all night Sarah?"

"Yes, I don't sleep much anyway and I can doze in the chair if need be."

"In that case, I will go with Aunt Adele. We shall see you in the morning Sarah."

Mac was touched when both women hugged her good-bye and just the tiniest bit envious when they both also kissed AJ good-bye.

After they were gone she told AJ, "Do you know that I wish I had the courage to kiss you too?"

'So do I Sarah, but I honestly would much rather that you did it when I was awake to enjoy it!'

Pulling a chair closer to the bed she sat down and took his hand in hers. The more she thought about it the better the idea sounded. What if she did find the courage to confess her love for him? He could laugh, or yell, or court-martial her and she would never get to taste his lips. This way he wouldn't be able to protest and at least she would have had this once chance to kiss him. Oh sure, in his current state he couldn't kiss her back, but if he reacted badly to her declaration of love he would never do so anyway. So, this could be her only chance!

To be continued….


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The problem was the lack of privacy the glass wall between her and the nurses' station provided. They knew Colonel Mackenzie was the Admiral's Chief of Staff and that kissing your CO wasn't within military protocol. So how could she do it without being seen? There was a privacy curtain that could be pulled when a patient was getting a bath or having their gown changed, but closing that would draw more attention than a quick kiss would. That was another problem…if this was her only chance with him, she wanted more than a 'quick kiss'.

She sat there quietly thinking for five hours, twenty-one minutes, and thirty-four seconds until just after 0100 hours the alarms went off in the room next to AJ's. Every nurse, but one, rushed into the room. Mac saw that the one that stayed behind had her head down watching every monitor at the station closely. If ever there was a chance this was hers! Standing, she approached the bed so her back was still to the nurses' station giving what she was about to do as much cover as possible. Leaning over him she pressed her lips tentatively to his.

'Mmmmm…am I dreaming?'

As Mac came to the realization that she was finally kissing AJ the pressure of her kiss became more firm.

'She's kissing me.'

His lips were soft and pliant, if unresponsive, under hers.

'She's actually kissing me!'

She would have given anything to have him respond to her. To take her in his arms and not only return her kiss, but make love to her as well.

'She's kissing me and I'm laying here doing nothing about it!'

But she would have to take what she could get for now.

'Wake up damn it!'

"I love you," she whispered against his lips as she finally ended the kiss.

"Sarah…" came the raspy voice from those lips.

"AJ!?"

And suddenly the room was filled with nurses responding to the change in readings on his monitor.

"He's waking up!" one called out.

While another insisted, "Someone call his doctor!"

"His family should be notified too," the first one added.

"I can do that," Mac offered. "I'll go and call Francesca and Adele right now, Admiral Chegwidden!" she said as she quickly melted from the room.

'Admiral Chegwidden?!' he thought as the nurses buzzed around him. 'So that's the way she wants to play it?! All those confessions while I was out of it and now that I'm finally awake, she thinks she can go back to business as usual!? Well we'll just see about that!'

Mac sighed in relief that she had pulled back from kissing him just before he regained consciousness. How embarrassed she would have been if he had caught her doing that! But she couldn't stop her heart from leaping for joy that he was awake! And he had known who she was, so hopefully that meant no brain damage! All those thoughts raced through her mind as she walked down the hall towards the pay phones.

As expected, neither Francesca nor Adele minded being awakened when they heard the news Sarah had to impart. They both said that they would be there as quickly as possible.

AJ was being cared for diligently by the nurses. As people came and went from the room he kept expecting Sarah to come back, but the doctor was the next to arrive. He explained to AJ why his left eye was bandaged and what damage the bullet had done. All these things AJ already knew from hearing Sarah telling Francesca.

When they arrived together he faced the fact that Sarah wasn't returning. He tried to stay awake to talk to his family, but his body was demanding more rest. After trying to apologize for this they assured him they understood and they would be there when he woke up. His last thought was that he hoped Sarah would be back then too. However that wasn't to be. Even though it was Sunday she didn't show up all day. AJ could tell Adele and Francesca were also wondering where she was.

Finally when lunch was over and he'd been transferred out of ICU and into a regular room Francesca asked, "Papa' did something happen between you and Sarah last night?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"She had been by your side since you were injured except for a few hours when she went home to shower and change clothes, but she has not been here all day."

"I woke up and she went to call you. Maybe she felt that with the two of you here she didn't need to be," he offered. There was no way he was going to tell her what really happened because he would never hear the end of it. This was something he was just going to have to deal with himself. He didn't know her reasons for staying away, but he was going to find out!

Meanwhile, Mac had found her way home on autopilot. She closed and locked her door only because it was habit and seconds later flopped down onto her bed, fully clothed, to bury her head in her arms and start to cry.

To be continued….


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The thing was, Mac didn't even know why she was crying. He was alive, awake, and talking. All those things should have been things to celebrate. He was strong, determined, and tough. Those things would help him overcome any lingering problems from the injury. Plus, he had Francesca and Adele there to support him…she would only be in the way.

Ah! Now she was coming to the real reason for her tears. Now that he was awake, there was no need for his Chief of Staff to stay at his side. How humiliated she would have been if he had awakened while she was kissing…wait a minute! He woke up right after the kiss! Could it have been BECAUSE of the kiss!? No, that was just silly! And it only happened in children's books and Sarah Mackenzie was far from a child. There were times she felt a hundred years old. But when it all came down to it, the real reason she was crying was that the Marine who proclaimed herself so brave to the world, was a coward when it came to her heart. She knew she would never have the courage to speak her feelings out loud or repeat to him what she'd confessed while in the coma.

So he would never know.

Everything would go back to the way it had been.

They would once again just be two people that worked together.

Ever separated by the walls of duty and regulations.

And the Seal pup poster would once again stand as a reminder of what she couldn't have.

Commander Harmon Rabb was the first to be surprised by Mac's presence in the office on Monday morning. He entered the Admiral's office to find her behind the desk reviewing the morning report on the incoming cases. "Mac? I thought you were going to be out of the office until the Admiral…oh god…did he die?"

She sighed at his gloomy outlook, "No Harm. If he had, the flag out front would've been at half mast and I would have a black armband on. The Admiral woke up so there was no need for me to be out of the office today."

"He woke up! That's great! How is he? Is there any permanent damage? Will he be returning to work?"

The only reason she could answer his question was because Francesca had called after she'd left her father and returned to the hotel for the night. The main reason for the call had been to find out why Mac hadn't been at the hospital all day. She also relayed the information that Mac now told Harm, "It seems that at present he is blind in his left eye. They don't know if it's because the damage to his optic nerve wasn't repaired as completely as they thought, or if it is a result of the swelling. They should know as soon as the pressure is relieved. There is also some weakness to his right side, but they believe that is also caused by the swelling. As to if he will return to work, that will depend on the final outcome on his vision."

"Wow, that would suck if he couldn't come back because he was blind!"

"Only in one eye, Harm! He could still do most things without any problem at all!" Mac retorted.

Harm sighed at her heated defense of the Admiral and left the office after saying he would see her at the staff meeting.

Mac couldn't help but remember the rest of that call from Francesca after he left. She had actually started by asking where Mac had been all day. When she had simply told Francesca that she'd been home, AJ's daughter sighed and said she'd meant why hadn't she been there at the hospital. Mac could have hung up on her, but Francesca would have just called back. She could have avoided answering again, but Francesca would have just persisted. So instead Mac responded with what was in her heart.

"He doesn't need me now that he's awake."

"He does, you know," Francesca replied.

"No, Francesca, awake he is my Commanding Officer. It's only while he was out that I could believe he was mine."

"He is the same man awake or asleep," his daughter insisted.

"No. Awake regulations keep us apart."

"Then why did he expect it to be you every time someone new came into the room?"

"He did?"

To be continued….


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Yes he did. I could tell he wanted to ask Aunt Adele and I if we had heard from you, but he stopped himself. They moved him to a regular room, it had a phone, and every time it rang he eagerly reached for it, then his shoulders would slump when it wasn't you."

It was at that point Mac felt she needed to change the subject, so asked about AJ's health and what the doctors had said. Francesca told her and then went on to ask if Sarah was going to tell him that she loved him as they had discussed in the cafeteria. When Mac admitted that she wasn't going to, Francesca had muttered something in Italian and hung up.

With a sigh Mac brought her mind back to the office and the morning report that she needed to finish going over.

PO Coates was the next to discover that Mac was in the office. She had come in, gathered the mail, sorted it, and prioritized the phone messages. When she entered the Admiral's office to deliver the lot to Harm, she found Colonel Mackenzie there instead. "Oh, good morning, Ma'am! I was expecting Ha…Commander Rabb."

"The Admiral is out of his coma so I returned to work. Give me a minute to return these calls and then we can deal with the mail."

"Yes, Ma'am," Jen said and left the room.

Word spread through the offices that Mac was back so when she walked into the staff meeting there was no surprise, only many questions about how the Admiral was doing. She told them what she knew and then got right down to business.

Mac wasn't surprised at all that almost as soon as she returned to AJ's office after the meeting, she received a call from the SECNAV. After asking about the Admiral's health he confirmed that Mac would be in charge of the offices until such time as AJ returned or was replaced. That thought clutched at her heart. It had been hard enough when Harriett left JAG because she was expecting twins, but the thought of JAG without Admiral Chegwidden at the helm was impossible to imagine. Personally, she didn't know if she could come to work every day and not only not see him, but see someone else at his desk. That would be more than she could take.

AJ spent the next week in the hospital giving his doctors fits the entire time. Or at least that was what Harm and Bud reported after their visits during that time. The weakness was gone and he was up and walking every chance he got. Mac had avoided the hospital since he had woken up, so all reports had come through other people.

Francesca had called her every other night to keep her updated. In the middle of the week Adele had called saying that her niece had flown to Italy for a meeting that couldn't be rescheduled, but that she would be back the next day. Adele planned to stay until the end of the week when the doctors were predicting AJ would be going home, and then she would return to Texas. Because the swelling wasn't completely gone, his vision was still in question.

On Thursday, a call came in from the SECNAV. AJ was to be awarded the Medal of Valor for saving Mac's life in a ceremony in the office on Monday. At the same time General Gordon Cresswell would take over as JAG. Mac sat there stunned that AJ was being replaced before they even knew for sure about his vision. She wanted to protest at the unfairness of that action, but knew that doing so to the SECNAV wouldn't get her anywhere. She acknowledged that she had heard the message and understood that it was to be kept confidential until the official announcement on Monday. From the time she hung up until she finally managed to get out of there for the evening, time seemed to crawl. All she wanted to do was to get home so she could deal with the news in private.

It was times like this that she most felt the desire for a drink, and because of that, knew she should hit an AA meeting before going home. She didn't really feel any better after the meeting, but at least the desire to drown her misery in alcohol had passed.

To be continued….


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Friday all she wanted to do was hide out in AJ's…no not his office any longer…it would never be his again. She assumed that while he was there on Monday getting his medal, he would clear his personal items out to make room for the new JAG.

She would never again come into that office late in the evening and see him sitting at his desk in that pool of light from his desk lamp, with his reading glasses perched so cutely on his nose.

She would never see him stand at that window again with his hands linked behind his back, especially in his summer whites, showing off his firm sexy six.

Nor would she ever see him come around his desk when she was sitting in one of the chairs in front of it and watch him lean his six against it with his arms crossed, lips pursed, and head down. She couldn't count how many times she lost track of what he was saying as she dreamed he was staring at her legs.

With a frustrated sigh she finished up what she had to do there in the office, shoved the rest of it into her briefcase, and headed home.

Francesca's call that evening came from AJ's home rather that the hotel. He'd been released and was very glad to be home, she reported. She also said that since her father was doing so well, she would be flying home to Italy on Sunday night so she could resume her normal work schedule on Monday.

Mac thanked her for the update, wished them both well, and hung up. Once again she felt like crying herself to sleep, but she reminded herself that she was a Marine and that they didn't solve their problems by crying about them! She finished all the work in her briefcase that night and spent Saturday and Sunday cleaning her apartment from top to bottom.

In McLean, AJ had gotten so fed up with Francesca's constant badgering about Sarah and him, that he was actually happy to put her in a cab to the airport on Sunday night. He was ashamed of the fact that he was glad his vision problem prevented him from driving so he didn't have the additional forty-five minute trip to listen to even more of it.

Part of his frustration with his daughter over this issue had been that while Adele was still there the two of them had double teamed him as well. His reaction might have been different if he hadn't known both of them were right. But even given Sarah's confession in the hospital, his track record in the romance department over the last ten years had been so lousy that he wanted time in private to figure out his next move.

That was why he had pretended to be more weary than he had been in the hospital. When he would fake falling asleep shortly after dinner in the evenings, Francesca and Adele would leave for the hotel. So when he returned home even though he begrudged giving up time with his daughter, he still faked needing more rest than he really did. If it hadn't been for her one track topic of conversation, he wouldn't have had to do it.

What he had decided to do was to wait until the ceremony in the office on Monday. Gauging Sarah's reaction to seeing and being around him would determine his next course of action.

Monday Mac was in the office at her usual time and because she knew AJ would be in later that morning, she adjusted the amount of the strong brewed coffee, that only they liked, accordingly. This would be the last time she did that for him. Even if the new JAG liked his coffee as strong as they did, it still wouldn't be the same.

Maybe it was time to put in for a transfer. She knew the timing might make it look bad, that she didn't want to serve under a Marine JAG, but the truth was that she didn't think she could work for any JAG that wasn't AJ. So, maybe a transfer would be the best choice.

To be continued….


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The SECNAV had scheduled the ceremony for 0900 and Mac didn't know whether AJ would come in early to clean out his office or wait until afterwards while everyone was in the staff meeting with the new JAG.

When Jen arrived at 0800 and was ready to make a pot of regular strength coffee, Mac asked her to put some of the stronger brew aside for Admiral Chegwidden. She smiled and happily did so.

He stepped off the elevator at 0855 looking fit and well. The patch he had over his left eye made him look sexier than anyone had a right too! Jen ran up to him with the coffee after calling out "Admiral on Deck" and receiving AJ's usual response of "As you were". He thanked her and looked around the bullpen at all the welcoming faces as he answered everyone's questions regarding his health. He watched Mac cross the room from his old office as calmly as you please. She showed no signs of the fact that she'd been avoiding him for over a week now.

Just as he took her hand to receive her greeting, the SECNAV and a Marine General stepped off of the elevator and walked into the bullpen.

With everyone still at attention Edward Sheffield said, "It looks like everyone is here! Shall we get right to the business at hand?"

As everyone gathered closer into a semi circle around the Admiral and the SECNAV, it was clear that many of them were wondering who the General was and why he was there. Mac sadly knew that they would all know very soon.

Sheffield praised AJ's courage and quick actions in saving Colonel Mackenzie and went on to say that the Navy always needed more men like him.

Mac nearly turned on Sheffield and demanded to know what the hell he was doing replacing AJ if he felt that way! But once again she knew she wouldn't get anywhere doing that, so she swallowed down her rage as the SECNAV pinned AJ's latest medal on an already full chest. Sheffield stepped back and shook AJ's hand and after allowing the applause to continue for a time he raised his hand for quiet.

AJ stepped back into the group leaving Sheffield alone in the center. With all eyes on him, the SECNAV announced that General Gordon Cresswell was going to be the new JAG starting immediately.

She watched the shock cross the faces of her co-workers and knew exactly how they felt! And she'd had two days to prepare herself! Mac glanced over at AJ and was surprised to find that his face was impassive at the announcement. She knew that he had known it was coming, but she was still surprised that he was so calm about leaving.

When congratulations had been said and welcomes offered, Sheffield once again raised his hand for silence. This time Mac wondered what was going on. She thought that was all that was had been planned, but obviously something else was on the agenda.

As Sheffield started to speak, once again talking about AJ's long and illustrious career, Mac could see everyone wondering just what she was…if that was so, then why was he being replaced!

She watched him unbutton his jacket and the new JAG helped him slide it off, and Mac realized what was about to happen! Opening the large box that he'd brought in, Cresswell shook out the new jacket which carried an extra stripe. The SECNAV proudly announced that AJ was awarded his third star, and as Cresswell helped him on with it, Sheffield continued to say that with this new rank came a new position. Vice Admiral AJ Chegwidden would be taking over as Director of Naval Operations as soon as his medical leave was over.

The SECNAV finished his announcement by asking, "Since the Admiral isn't married and his daughter wasn't able to be present, Colonel Mackenzie will you do the honors?"

A blizzard of thoughts blew through her mind in the split second before she moved: Why her? How would he react? How would she react? What would the others think? What if this caused him to remember what she did in the hospital? How could she keep her feelings under control? All those thoughts happened in the time it took to take a deep breath and step forward.

To be continued….


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

He didn't lean down towards her, remaining straight and proud, so she placed her hands on his shoulders and standing on tip toe, stretched up to kiss him on the cheek. He continued staring straight ahead, not meeting her eyes at all, as if he were completely indifferent to what was happening. It wasn't until her lips were on his skin that he softly whispered, so no one else could hear, "Thank you Sarah."

She returned to solid footing rather abruptly and tried to make eye contact with him to see if he had meant anything more than just his words had implied, but he had already turned away to accept the congratulations of the others in the room.

Sheffield realized that everyone had forgotten his presence, so simply announced that he would be going, to the room in general. When AJ heard that, he said, "I'll walk out with you Mr. Secretary. I know these people have a full days work on their plate. Good luck in your new job Gordon. I'm sure my…your people will help you get settled in and do as fine a job for you as they did for me."

As the two men turned to go, Mac spoke up, "Admiral Chegwidden, what about your personal items in your office?"

AJ looked back and with an odd half smile requested, "Will you collect them up Colonel and if it's not too inconvenient, drop them by the house when you have the time?"

Not wanting to refuse this final request from her former CO, Mac still didn't know how comfortable she felt making a visit to his house with the way she felt about the man who was no longer her boss. Still, what reason could she give for refusing such a simple request, especially in front of the rest of the staff and her new boss as well? "Certainly Sir, I can bring them by this evening if you'll be home."

"I will be, thank you Colonel," he said, and he and the SECNAV left together.

General Cresswell seemed eager to get right to work, so after the other two men left he suggested they start the staff meeting. Taking the chair at the head of the table, Cresswell still deferred to Colonel Mackenzie for the assignments of the new caseload. As the meeting ended, he told Mac he wanted to talk with her in his office. She nodded her agreement even as she felt the pang of it no longer being AJ's.

After collecting the phone messages from PO Coates, he instructed her to go to the storeroom and get a box so Colonel Mackenzie could gather up the Admiral's personal belongings for him. Once in the office, Cresswell took one of the chairs in front of the desk so Mac could clean out AJ's things. As she did that Cresswell began to speak, "I was glad to find that my Chief of Staff here was a Marine, Colonel. In an office full of Navy personnel I think your role as go between will be essential."

"There has never been any need for a go-between before Sir," Mac protested faintly.

"Very likely not, with Chegwidden being Navy as well as the rest of the staff. But I can assure you that my way of doing things will be different and as a fellow Marine, I am hoping you will have no trouble with them. We might need to bring the Navy up to our standards of the way things should be done."

Mac tried not to show how bristly she felt at his last comment. Rather than bringing her in on his side, as she was sure he had hoped to do, it instead made her defensive for her co-workers that had become friends and family over the years. "Sir, I can assure you this is an exemplary staff and I am positive they will have no trouble living up to, or even surpassing, any standards you care to hold them too!"

"That is very admirable Colonel, the way you came to the defense of the staff here, but one should never become too comfortable in any posting since it is the nature of the military life to be moved around."

To be continued….


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Mac didn't know if that had been meant as a veiled warning to her, that she either play by his rules and on his side, or he would transfer her, but she was now more sure than ever, that it was time for her to look for a different post. However, all she said was, "I'm sure that's very true Sir," and put the last of AJ's things on the top of the desk just as Coates arrived with the box to put them in. Announcing that she was finished and after asking if there was anything else he needed of her at the moment, Mac was relieved when she was dismissed so she could go to her own office.

She sat the box of AJ's things down on a chair and was about to close the door for some much desired privacy, but when she turned to do so she found Harm standing there.

"So what do you think of this changing of the guard today?" he wanted to know.

"Harm, I really don't want to talk about that right now."

"But Mac! How can you not have a reaction to what happened?! I mean we only thought the Admiral was getting a medal and instead they replace him as JAG and with a MARINE no less!"

"I didn't say I didn't have a reaction, but it's one that I don't feel the need to share!" she insisted and firmly closed the door in his face.

AJ had spent the ride home thinking about, and assessing Sarah's reactions to what had happened that morning. He had wondered how she would respond to the fact that he was no longer her CO, but her emotions had been held well in check. He hadn't been able to get a read on them at all. Except for the little start she had given when he whispered his thank you in her ear, she had kept whatever she was feeling well hidden. Maybe tonight when she brought his things by, he would learn more! He had to admit that had been an inspired move to ask her to bring them to the house! In private they might have a chance to really talk.

He would make dinner for her and see how things went from there, he decided as he arrived home. Now the question was what to make for dinner? Finally deciding on steak and baked potatoes, he wondered if he should put candles on the table, but thought it might be a bit much. Once everything was ready, all he could do was wait for her arrival. He hated waiting. No matter how much of it he'd had to do over the years, he still hated it.

Mac had gone over in her head a hundred times the different ways this evening could go, but they all ended up the same way, with herself either in AJ's arms or his bed! That was why she knew she needed to drop off his things and get out of there as quickly as she could! Why, oh why, did she say she would deliver them to him? She could just as easily have shipped them to his house. It wasn't as if he would need any of it while he was on medical leave anyway. How could she have been so dumb as to put herself in that position? She had increased the chance of making a fool of herself by a percentage she didn't even want to think about.

Her best course of action would be to get in and out as quickly as possible. Too bad she couldn't just put it on his porch and run! But, she reminded herself, she was a Marine and they didn't run in the face of danger. 'What about in the face of humiliation?' she asked herself, but was wise enough not to try and answer that one.

For most of the drive she argued internally about whether she should have stopped at home and changed out of her uniform, but knew that would draw questions she wouldn't want to answer. After all, she reminded herself, she was going to be in and out too fast for it to matter!

To be continued….


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Mac pulled into his driveway, turned off the engine, but sat there taking deep breaths to calm herself.

AJ heard her car pull up and looked out the frosted glass pane in the front door, wondering why she wasn't coming in.

Mac slowly got out of the car and went around to the passenger side to lift out the box. Going up the steps, she fought the urge to put the box down and run.

AJ watched her walk towards the house, graceful even carrying an awkward box. As she approached the door he fought the urge to fling it open and tossing the box aside take her into his arms.

Mac balanced the box on her hip and reached out a shaky hand to ring the bell.

AJ took a deep breath to calm himself and opened the door to invite her inside.

"Oh, I won't stay, Sir. I just came to drop your things off," she said pushing the box towards him.

Taking it and quickly putting it down on the hall table, he told her, "It's not 'Sir' anymore Sa…Mac. You're free to call me AJ now."

She gave him a half smile, "Congratulations again on your promotion Si…AJ. Although we will miss you terribly at the office."

"The SECNAV informed me that the promotion had been in the works for a while and it just seemed like my medical leave would work as a good change over time. Won't you come in for a while? I was just about to make dinner, and it is as easy to cook for two as it is for one."

"Oh no, Sir. I don't want to intrude on your evening."

"AJ, and it isn't an intrusion or I wouldn't have invited you. With Adele and Francesca both gone home, the house is pretty quiet." Even as he said that Dammit appeared from the kitchen. She had just finished her dinner and was excited to see who was at the door. She brushed passed her owner and eagerly greeted Mac.

"See, even Dammit wants you to stay," he added not so subtle pressure to his invitation.

Unable to look him in the eye because she knew if she did she would be tempted to stay, Mac mumbled another excuse and turned to hurry back to her car.

AJ watched her go, torn between calling her back and confronting her with the knowledge that he knew her secret, and a desire to court her in the way he knew no one ever had before. Sarah was such a very special woman, but he was aware that she didn't see herself that way. He allowed her to drive away determined to make her know just how amazing he thought she was!

Now all he needed was a plan to do that very thing. Making the dinner that he had planned to make for the two of them he put his mind to coming up with the perfect plan. It needed to be one in which she didn't know, at least at first, who was courting her. Somehow he knew that she wouldn't believe it if she knew it was him right from the start. So he would ease into that knowledge gradually, leaving clues for her to think on, and then when the time was just right, he would reveal himself to her.

Having decided on the opening salvo in his way to overcome Sarah's 'secret', he walked into his home office and fired up his computer. He had Bud to thank for setting up the system as well as for all but the most basic computer skills at his disposal. However as he sat down to send Sarah an email, he knew that his typing skills were thanks to his twin.

In her socially rebellious stage Adele had been very affronted to learn that while their high school offered both typing and wood shop classes, one was considered a 'girls' class and the other for 'boys'. Adele wanted to take wood shop. Her advisor had strongly suggested typing and refused to put Adele in the other class. When she complained about it at home that evening, AJ had teased that she probably wouldn't have been any good at it anyway. So his competitive sister had issued a challenge and the next day 'AJ' Chegwidden signed up for both wood shop and typing classes.

The shop teacher had been very surprised when Adele Josephine showed up for his class as was the typing teacher when Albert Jethro walked into hers. Both students insisted that they were in the right class and by the end of the semester AJ could type fifty words a minute and their mother had a lovely bread box and their father a bird feeder for the back yard.

To be continued….


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

AJ sat there thinking back on everything she had said to him or talked with Adele and Francesca about while he had been in the coma. He could confirm that people in that state could hear and understand what was being said around them, or at least he had been able to. He remembered every word and wondered if Sarah did as well. After creating a free email account on hotmail so she would have no way of knowing who it was from, AJ composed the carefully worded email and sent it to her office address.

He knew she always checked her mail first thing in the morning and could almost picture the puzzled, yet intrigued, look he was sure this would cause. Hitting the 'send' button, he did a search for the next item on his mental list of ways to show Sarah Mackenzie just how special she was to him. This gift would be delivered to the office just after lunch by special messenger.

The weather of the day seemed to reflect Mac's mood perfectly. It was dark, gloomy, and pouring down rain. She stopped in her office just long enough to deposit her briefcase and hang up her rain coat before heading to the break room to make coffee. She tried not to think of AJ as she did so, but just the act of trying brought him to mind. Sighing, she returned to her office sipping from her mug as she walked.

Flicking on her computer and waiting for it to boot up, she mentally reviewed her caseload. Clicking into the email program, she found three new messages. Two were about a current case and she jotted down notes from them. The third however, was a mystery. She didn't recognize the sender and the subject line read: A Very Special Lady.

The message itself said: You are a very special and wonderful lady. Your intelligence is only one of the many amazing qualities I admire about you. Because of that, I am sure that in time you will figure out who I am, but until such a time comes to pass, I am going to do my utmost to make you see yourself as I see you. Please know that I am serious and that this is not a joke. And it was signed, Your Secret Admirer.

Mac read the message three times then the senders address again, but that didn't give her any more clue to who it was from than the ambiguously signed message did! No matter what the last line said, she felt this had to be a joke and a very juvenile one at that! Who played Secret Admirer games in this day and age? She could only think of two men that might pull something like this, Mic, whom she hadn't heard from in years, and her old buddy Harm.

She did manage to get some work done as she waited for Harm to arrive for work that day. As if just to make her mad, it was one of the days when he was running late. In the time it took him to cross the bullpen from the elevator she was up, around her desk, and waiting at the door to his office with a print out of the email in her hand. She let him enter the office, staying away from his dripping wet form. Entering behind him she closed the door firmly.

Harm gave her an odd look as he put down his briefcase and took off his soggy coat. He'd seen that look on her face enough to know she was hopping mad about something. Since she was in his office, he figured it had something to do with him, but for the life of him, he couldn't think of anything he'd done to make her this mad.

Before he could even attempt to discover what was bothering her, Mac started waving the piece of paper in her hand in front of his face. She demanded, "Just what kind of joke are you trying to pull here Harm?!"

"Mac, I don't have any idea what you're talking about!"

"Don't deny it! You sent me this stupid email and I want to know what you hope to gain by it!"

"Mac, I really don't know what you're going on about! I haven't sent you an email in over a month. Why would I when I see you every day!?"

To be continued….


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Harm watched her reaction. It was as if all the wind slowly went out of her sails. She lowered her arm and looked down at the paper in her hand. Almost to herself Mac muttered, "Then who could have sent it?"

"I'm guessing that it wasn't signed?"

"No, but it seemed to have your hand all over it."

"May I read what you seem to think I sent?" he asked holding out his hand for it.

Mac appeared a bit reluctant to hand it over to him now that he'd denied sending it. Without her consent, he took it from her unresisting fingers and quickly read through the short message. An odd look came over his face and then he burst out laughing. He said, "I can see why you thought it was a joke, but I don't see why you suspected that it came from me!"

Snatching it back she snapped, "Sorry I bothered you with it Harm."

She turned and started for the door when Harm called her back, "That still doesn't explain why you thought I sent it!"

"It just seemed like a prank you would play," she admitted slowly.

"But you believe me that I didn't now?"

"Yeah," was all she said.

"Well it sounds like whoever sent it plans to keep you guessing until you do figure it out."

Mac read over the message again and nodded. What Harm said appeared to be true. She would wait for the next contact from this so called secret admirer and see if she could figure out who was playing this joke on her. "Sorry Harm, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that, or accuse you on so little evidence."

Harm refrained from pointing out that rather than a 'little' evidence it had been him, there had been none at all. However, he did offer any help he could give her in figuring out the mystery.

"I'll keep it in mind," she said as she headed back to her own office, knowing that there was no way she was going to let him get anymore involved in this than she had already let him.

Even though she was in court most of the morning, Mac's mind couldn't help dwelling on the email. She had been so sure it had been Harm, but with his vehement denials ringing in her ears the only other person she could think of was Mic Brumby. But it had been so long since she'd had any contact with him at all that she wondered why he would choose to do something like this if he wanted to get in touch with her again.

After her lunch meeting with Bud on a case they had going to trial the next day, she returned to her office and was about to place a call to Australia to question Mic about the anonymous email. She had the number half dialed when there was a knock on her door. The messenger asked her to sign for the package and left when she went back to her desk to sit down and open it.

Inside the box was a note on plain paper as well as an envelope of heavily embossed parchment and a gold seal. Opening the note first she read; "Even 'Bulldog tough' Marines need taking care of sometimes. Until I can be there to do that for you, I hope you will enjoy a day of pampering at the spa." Again it was signed, Your Secret Admirer. Turning the envelope over she saw it was from 'Beyond the Body' spa. Mac had never been there, but knew it to be the most expensive spa in the area. Inside was a gift certificate for a full day treatment. It included three meals as well as the top of the line of all of their services.

This gift had to have cost a couple of thousand dollars! She knew that put Mic out of the running. He would never have done something this extravagant. It was in fact so extravagant that she felt odd about accepting it. The only problem was that she had no idea who to tell to cancel it! Because it was prepaid she couldn't see letting it go to waste! Unless, that was, she could figure out who sent it before Saturday.

She didn't recognize the handwriting on the note, but discovered why when she called the messenger service to make some inquiries. The order had been placed over the internet with a request for the note to be added to the gift. The person who had received the order had written out the message. They would tell her nothing more about who placed the order.

To be continued….


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Mac just couldn't help from puzzling over this new turn in her life. At first she had been sure that the email had been a joke, but with the arrival of the spa gift certificate she had to reassess. No one she knew spent that kind of money on a joke…that kind of money! CLAY! He had that kind of money to burn, but he didn't have much of a sense of humor. After the way she broke it off, she didn't think he would be trying to get back together with her, let alone in this manner. So who the hell could it be?! She tossed and turned half the night trying to figure it out.

The next day was completely normal except for the thought of who the secret admirer person could be. Finally, as she was facing another sleepless night with that on her mind, she told herself to forget it. She seemed to be marginally successful when she woke on Wednesday morning completely refreshed. Maybe this would all just blow over, she thought as she headed to work. However when the morning staff meeting ended and everyone entered the bullpen they saw a florist deliveryman leaving. Jen Coates came over to Mac with a large bouquet of gardenias. "This just arrived for you Ma'am."

"Who is it from?" Mac asked.

"I didn't read the card Ma'am!" Jen protested.

"I wasn't thinking you had Petty Officer. I just thought that the delivery man might have said."

"He didn't Ma'am."

"Okay, thank you Jen." Mac took the flowers and went into her office. She wasn't aware that Harm had followed her until she saw him standing in the doorway as she was about to open the card.

"Another gift from the secret admirer?" Harm questioned.

"I don't know, I haven't opened the card yet. Could I have some privacy Harm?"

"I thought I was going to help you figure out who this jokester is?"

"Harm when I…" looking at him she realized that nothing she could say would get him to leave until she told him what was in the card. With a sigh, she opened it and read; 'Gardenias speak of secret love, I hope my love for you will not have to be a secret much longer. Your Secret Admirer'

"Well what does it say?" Harm demanded when he saw the dreamy half smile on Mac's face.

"Just that gardenias mean secret love," she replied.

"So he's claiming to 'love' you now? Mac, remember you were stalked once before! This could be more of the same thing!"

"No, Harm this is different. Right from the first stalker creeped me out, this is completely different. It's warm and caring and…"

"An email and flowers and you get 'warm and caring' from them?!" he asked in astonishment.

"That and the spa certificate that arrived Tuesday afternoon."

"What?! You didn't tell me about that!"

"Harm, I don't tell you everything! I do have a private life."

"Mac, you said we'd work together on this!" he protested.

"No, what I said was if I needed help I would ask for it. Now can we please get back to work?"

"You know, there are times I really don't understand you Mac!" he told her and left her office.

"Honestly Harm, I wonder if you ever understood me at all," she muttered as he walked away.

Sitting down at her desk she inhaled deeply of her flowers, and sat there thinking, 'is there really someone out there that loves me? Or is it some weirdo stalker as Harm suggested? But it didn't feel that way!' There was nothing threatening about any of it and it was making her feel all warm and tender inside. She reassured herself that she would keep Harm's warning in mind and if she ever did feel that this was turning into 'stalking' she would call the police. Until that time she was going to enjoy what was happening!

To be continued….


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Mac got home that evening bone weary and much too tired to cook. She was planning on a hot bath and falling right into bed. Hearing the beep of her answering machine, she hoped that it wasn't more work, she was just so tired. As she listened to the message, she wondered if this was the tilt into stalking. How could this secret admirer know how exhausting her day had been? So much so that she wouldn't want to cook tonight? Okay all that was true, but was she so bothered by it that she was going to ignore the call from Callisto's, one of her favorite restaurants, saying she only had to call in her order and it would be delivered!

Questioning them when she called she was told that she could order anything at all from their menu, it was covered, as was the delivery. As she expected, when she asked who had arranged all this, she was told only that it was from a secret admirer. Still, she was hungry and she loved Callisto's food, so what could it hurt? She could order something, get her bath while waiting for it to arrive, eat and then fall into bed. Mac placed her order for their spaghetti feast and hung up thanking whoever had been so very thoughtful.

Her plan worked perfectly and she went to sleep feeling much better. Well fed, happy and content that someone cared for her this much. She knew who she wished was doing all this, but knew it wasn't possible. If he did feel this way about her, there was no longer any reason why he couldn't just tell her. There was no reason to be this mysterious. No, there was no way it could be AJ Chegwidden!

By the end of the day on Friday, Mac knew that she couldn't continue to work under General Cresswell. Obviously she loved the Marines and believed they were the best branch of the service, but after all her years at JAG Mac had come to respect and admire the Naval personal she had served with and under. The General's not so subtle comments to her about the Naval portion of the staff needing to be brought up to the Marine standards had continued throughout the week and by Friday she'd had about as much as she could take.

Even she, it seemed, was not up to his standards, but she discovered that it was his belief it was due to serving under a Navy boss all those years. That announcement alone had Mac ready to blow her top, but instead she decided it was time to change jobs.

Mac had seen the posting just that morning on the military internet jobs available site. Admiral Sebring was taking early retirement and a position as Judge would be opening up in two weeks.

As she arrived home that evening Mac found herself looking forward to her scheduled spa day. It would surely be the highlight of a pretty awful week. Not only had all the problems with Cresswell made it bad, but the worst part by far had been the absence of AJ. Oh, granted, he'd been out of the office at times before, even as recently as the week before when he had been home recovering before his replacement was announced. But always before this, she had known or at least had the hope that he would be returning. This week however, there had only been the certainty that he would not. To top it off, with Francesca back in Italy, there hadn't even been any calls to let her know how he was doing.

The thought had occurred to her that she could give him a call just to inquire how he was doing, and she planned to do that as soon as she got home and out of her uniform. However, what she found waiting for her at her front door put that thought out of her head at least for a time.

To be continued….


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

The UPS box sat in front of her apartment door innocently awaiting her arrival home. She snatched it up and searched for a senders name even before she let herself in. But as she suspected, there was none. Opening the door, tossing down her briefcase, and kicking off her shoes almost in one motion, she was on the couch with the box and her letter opener in her lap in seconds.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself. Mac decided that there was no one there that would interrupt her, or try to look over her shoulder to see what the package contained, so she could savor the opening of it rather than rush it.

Like a deprived child with only one gift to open, she slowly began to slice through each piece of tape. She was eager to see what the package contained, but the anticipation was also exciting. So far, each gift had been thoughtful and perfect. She no longer thought of this as a joke as she had at the first email and although she still had no idea who was sending her these things, she had come to realize he…she had to believe it was a he…knew her well.

Opening the box at last, Mac found several layers of tissue paper between her and her goal. Gently pulling them back she found a leather bound book. Lifting it out, she saw that on the front cover in gold letters was the word Journal, and in the lower right hand corner was her full name, Sarah Mackenzie. She caressed the soft supple leather for a moment and then opened the cover. There she found the message she was looking for. 'Everyone has secret dreams and desires. There are times when we need to put them down on paper so they can become real. I hope this provides you with a place to do so. From one who hopes one day soon to be a not-so-secret admirer.'

Clutching the journal to her chest she almost cried at the thoughtfulness of this gift. She grabbed a pen and began to write almost without thinking about it. She had filled six pages about her secret love for AJ and the confusion she was now feeling about this secret admirer before she remembered she had been going to call AJ.

"Chegwidden," his sexy voice came across the line.

Mac almost slammed the phone down like a nervous teenage girl, but so many people had caller ID these days that it would be even more embarrassing if she did that and he called her because her number had shown up. So after a longer pause than normal, she said, "Hello Admiral. It's Mac, I was just calling to see how you were doing."

"You can call me AJ now, you know. We no longer work together."

"Old habits I guess. How is your eye doing, AJ?"

"Improving. I saw the doctor on Thursday and he said I no longer need to go around looking like a bald pirate. I'm able to see shadowy figures now, so he predicts that it shouldn't be long before full vision is restored."

"That's great news!" she cheered, although she'd never admit it to him that his pirate patch had inspired more than a few late night fantasies!

"I thought so too. Looks like my vacation will soon be over and I will have to return to work.'

"I bet you're champing at the bit for that to happen!" she laughed.

"You know me too well! Yes, extended time off work has never been something I enjoyed. I'll be glad to be back."

"They are lucky to have you! I know everyone at JAG misses you."

"Even you Sarah? I thought you would be happy with a Marine boss."

"Things are not going as well as I had hoped."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?"

'Other than return to JAG?' she thought, but with a sigh admitted, "No, I really don't think there's anything that can be done. There's a Judge's position opening up that I've applied for. I think that will be the best for me right now."

"Well I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do. I know you will make a wonderful judge."

"Thank you, AJ. I'll let you go now, I'm happy to hear about your vision!"

"Thank you, have a relaxing weekend. Good night Sarah."

To be continued….


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Mac played the conversation over and over in her head as she warmed up the leftovers from Callisto's. She was sure that there had been no hint of knowledge of the secret admirer and no indication at all that he wanted anything to do with her outside of work. He hadn't even suggested that they get together and have coffee some time. No, there wasn't any interest there on his part and she was just going to have to accept that.

AJ hung up the phone wondering if he should have done things differently. As far as he knew, there were no indications that Sarah connected him with her secret admirer. Would it really have hurt if he had asked her out for lunch one day? Or even just coffee for that matter? Still, now that the constraints of regulations no longer stood in his way, he might have been unable to hide his feelings for her.

No, it was better this way! Let her learn how important she was to him, how very special a person he found her. When that had been accomplished then would be time enough to reveal who he was. There were still several more surprises he had planned for her, as well as one additional thing he could do as a result of his conversation with her that evening. First thing on Monday morning he was going to call and add his personal recommendation to her application for the Judge position.

Her day at the spa was all that she could ever have imagined and more. She came out of there feeling like a pampered princess. She had to smile as she thought of her benefactor. There was no way she could have avoided thinking of him as she enjoyed being taken care of and being waited on hand and foot, but even if he had expected that she would spend the day thinking of him, there was one aspect he couldn't have predicted. During the orientation breakfast, she'd been told that she would need to choose a fragrance for all of the products they would be using on her that day. The staff wanted to make sure there wasn't a clash of many different scents from the dozen or more products they would use on her that day.

When she saw the list of choices, she knew there was really only one choice for her. The list had been: unscented, lavender, citrus, musk, rose, or gardenia.

She arrived home that evening with a package of the same products they had used on her at the spa. Body lotion from her massage, the shampoo and conditioner that had been used on her hair, as well as a selection of the makeup products used. Her mind was awhirl from the heady floral fragrance surrounding her and she had never felt more relaxed in her life.

That night she fell into bed and nearly slept the clock around, something unheard of for her. Usually she had trouble sleeping at all let alone for nearly twelve hours at a stretch, but she awoke mid morning on Sunday feeling better than she had in years.

Opening her front door to get the morning newspaper, that she normally would have had completely read by that time of the day, she found more than just her regular paper on her welcome mat.

Sitting directly on top of her Sunday newspaper was a gaily wrapped present. There was no shipping box, and no mail was delivered on Sundays, so the only explanation for its appearance was that it had been hand delivered.

Her apartment wasn't in a security building. There was no doorman on duty to monitor who came and went through the doors, there wasn't even a buzzer system that would require a guest to be 'buzzed' up by a tenant. So people came and went freely in the halls of the building, the residents trusting in the locks on the doors to their individual apartments to keep themselves and their belongings safe.

Mac however, didn't believe that safety was an issue in this latest delivery. She simply expected that it was another gift from her secret admirer. Maybe she should have been concerned that he knew where she lived, but she had known that by the arrival of other gifts. Maybe the concern should have been that he had been at her door that very morning, but again she wasn't worried about those things at all. All there was, was an overwhelming curiosity about this latest gift.

To be continued….


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Mac put the paper down on the coffee table and carefully removed the satin ribbon and bow from the package. Swathed in tissue paper was a wooden picture frame. Pulling it out, after setting the card that had been on top aside, she discovered it was her name drawn in gold leaf calligraphy and under 'Sarah' were the words: Lovely Princess.

Wondering how he could have known that this was exactly what her spa day had made her feel like, she had to open the card and find out if there was some kind of explanation. The card read: In researching the history of your name I discovered that 'Sarah' means 'lovely' or 'princess', however, I find you are deserving of both titles. You are the 'Lovely Princess' of my heart. Your Secret Admirer.

Tears flowed down her cheeks at his beautiful words. Even though she loved another, she couldn't help but be affected by what the card said. More than anything she had wanted to be that special someone in another's life and even though her heart would always belong to AJ it was amazing to find that someone felt this way about her. She would have given all she had if her secret admirer could only have been AJ Chegwidden, but she knew he was much to forward and direct to use this kind of contact. However, the question then became, could she develop feelings for whomever this was that seemed to love her deeply? Knowing AJ was still, and it seemed would always be, out of reach.

Her mind kept coming back to that question as the day wore on. She had loved AJ for so long, could she really be thinking of giving up on that? She had tried several times before with less than promising results, what did she think would be different this time? Was it because this person professed to love her? Dalton, Mic, and Clay had all done that.

Why was she even thinking like this? Was she really this lonely that she would contemplate a relationship with someone she didn't even know? Maybe she was! Maybe that was what had started this line of thinking to begin with! But if that was so, then why not go out and find someone herself? Was it because of the way her secret admirer made her feel? No one had ever made her feel so special, so precious! Maybe it was because her secret admirer seemed to know her so well. He seemed to know her needs at times even before she did!

Her questions were still unanswered Monday when she left for work. The day went as usual until Cresswell called her into his office to hand her a case that had just come in. She was being sent to Florida. Not knowing how long she would be gone, she packed her briefcase, handed off a case to Bud and one to Harm. She then hurried home to pack a bag before heading to the airport to catch her flight.

Finding another package at her front door when she got home caused her heart to race. Quickly tearing into it, because if she was to make her flight, she didn't have time to savor opening it. She didn't know whether to be reassured or amused that her secret admirer didn't know every aspect of her life. The note read: "I know you enjoy running off the cares of a long day some evenings after work. Running is just one of the many things we have in common." Inside the box was a pair of her favorite brand of running shoes, and they were even the right size! Granted this wasn't in the same price range as the spa day had been, but she knew that these shoes were over two hundred dollars even if you could find them on sale.

Because time was short, she quickly packed for the trip and tossed the new shoes into her bag too. Maybe she would have time to break them in while she was in Florida. The note she tucked into her briefcase to reread on the plane. Mac wondered if her secret admirer would find out that she was going out of town. Clearly he hadn't thought she would get the shoes until she returned from work that day. She had caught the personal reference in the note at the apartment, but hadn't taken the time to consider it until she was in the air.

To be continued….


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

So, her secret admirer liked running too! AJ ran…they had even trained for the JAG-a-thon race together…'down girl', she warned her heart. Many men ran. Harm and Sturgis, from the office alone, so there was no reason at all to let this personal note lead her to jump to the conclusion that it was AJ. 'But it didn't matter!' she told herself, she would enjoy this latest gift no matter who had sent it. She loved to work out her problems by running and enjoyed the thrill that once again her secret admirer had demonstrated how well he knew her.

After getting settled in and scheduling the interviews she needed for the next day, Mac did find the time to run. Her hotel was only a half a mile from the beach, so she walked that distance to break in the shoes. On the beach she did a few stretches to limber up and then took off at a steady pace down the sand.

She was amazed at how quickly everything fell into place the next day. It looked like it was going to be an open and shut case and if the next day went as well as this one had, she would be able to fly home tomorrow evening.

Back at the hotel for the night, she ordered dinner sent up so she could continue to work through the evening. Since she found it hard to eat and take notes at the same time, she took the time to check her personal emails. Mac was torn when she saw there were two new messages that called out to her to be read first, well, at least in her heart they did. One was from Chloe, her 'little sister' and the other was from her secret admirer.

Deciding that it had been so long since she'd heard from Chloe, she would open that one first. She also reasoned that way she could savor the one from her secret admirer. Chloe's read:

Hey big sis!

I'm so sorry it's been so long since you've heard from me, but this year in school is a psycho bitch from hell! Not that I mind, you understand, but what WAS I thinking when I let my counselor talk me into 3, count them 3! college prep classes!? I'm sure each one of the teachers thinks that none of the others are handing out homework, so they feel the need to load me down to compensate!

Then there was the evil big sis that convinced me to run for student government president just because I had such a great year as VP last year. I would hate you for that except that I'm getting ready for the trip to CA for the National Student Government Convention that is being held there next week! They have even scheduled a tour of FOX TV studios! Maybe I'll see some stars!

Oh, and did I mention I got asked to the prom?! Jason Carl is also on the STUD-ent gov…and I DO mean STUD! He's so hot! And smart and wonder of wonders he likes me!

Anyway, life is busy and good and I hope it's the same for you. I really am glad that I got you for a big sis, you really mean a lot to me! In fact if Jason and I ever get married, I want you to be my matron of honor…that is, if you've figured out who your secret admirer is by then and married him…otherwise, I guess we could just call you the old-maid of honor!

Get on the stick!

Chloe

Chloe knew about her secret admirer! Chloe knew who her secret admirer was!

Without looking at a clock Mac knew that it was too late to call her little sister especially since it was a school night. With a sigh, she knew all she could do right then was send Chloe an answering email and that was just what she would do as soon as she had read the email from her secret admirer.

To be continued….


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

There were so many thoughts racing through her mind as she closed Chloe's email and opened her secret admirer's that she could hardly keep track of them. Her secret admirer knew about her 'little sister'! That would still make it anyone at JAG because she had so few friends out of work. The only one outside of the JAG offices that knew about Chloe was her father! But it couldn't be him because there was no way of him knowing she ran, let alone what her favorite brand of shoes and size was. So that left Harm, Sturgis, and Tiner.

Yes…Jason Tiner had been around when she first brought Chloe to the office. But, there was no way someone of his pay grade could have afforded the expensive gifts she'd been getting. She was also sure she could rule out Harm since he was still in a snit about not being allowed to help her figure out who the secret admirer was. Mac was sure he wasn't that good of an actor. But thinking about people that had been in the office around that time and were no longer there brought Gunny to mind. It was a lot more logical to her at any rate that it could possibly be Gunny rather than Sturgis. As far as she knew Sturgis had never shown any interest in her at all and was still dating Varese. So that left Gunny.

Not taking any more time to dwell on it right then she started to read the email from her secret admirer.

Dearest Sarah,

For that is how I think of you and I can only hope that by now, that doesn't surprise you. How are you doing in figuring out my identity? It has been just over a week now since I chose to make you aware of my feelings for you, and I'm sure that you have been busy trying to figure out who I am. I do so hope though that you still found time to enjoy the gifts I've sent you.

I also hope that by now you have gotten an email from Chloe. Your 'little sister' was quite happy to assist me by contacting you on my behalf. She was tickled to do it and told me that she hoped I would be successful in winning your heart. I don't know if you have had a chance to contact her yet, about her part in this, but either way I hope you will not be too upset to learn that she has sworn not to reveal my identity to you. I did, of course, have to promise her something in return. Not that I am worried about the arrangement at all, but she demanded a role in our wedding if there ever is one.

I live in hope that day will come!

Your Secret Admirer

Wedding?! Her secret admirer wanted to marry her?! She had come to believe that he thought he loved her, but she had no idea he was thinking about marriage! Then there was the fact that Chloe approved enough to demand a part in their wedding! Not that Chloe wasn't certain that if Mac ever did marry, she would have a role in the ceremony! But from the sound of this email she also approved of the secret admirer as a groom!

Mac knew that she would never be able to convince Chloe to reveal who he was in an email, but she might have better luck over the phone. She would call her in the morning before she left for school.

There was one thing she wanted to do before going to bed, however. She wanted to answer her secret admirer's email. She hadn't answered the first one because at first she had thought it was Harm and then when he denied it, still felt that it was a joke. By the time the gifts had started to arrive, she had forgotten about the email in her search for clues and return addresses on the gifts. Now she was going to answer this one, she just had to decide how to word it. Should she pretend she already knew who he was in the hopes of tricking him into revealing himself? She dismissed that idea as fast as she had it, for two reasons. The first was she felt he was too smart to fall for it and the second was she was sure she could get Chloe to crack in the morning.

To be continued….


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

That still left her with what to say in her email. She would of course thank him for his gifts…but should she tell him that he was wasting his time? Could her heart ever really give up in the love she felt for AJ, and would it be fair to her secret admirer to go into a relationship with him without being truthful? She knew partnerships based on a lie were doomed to failure. But she loved how special her secret admirer made her feel! She could lose that if she told him the truth, but was it fair to him not to tell him?

Oh help! Her mind was such a whirl that she couldn't sort it all out. Maybe if she just started writing…she could edit it and correct it when she was done. As long as she didn't hit send she could keep working on it until it was just right.

Seventy three minutes later she was finally happy with the results and was ready to send it off.

Hi there, (she started off this way because she didn't want him to know she didn't know who he was for sure)

I'd like to start by apologizing for not responding to your first email. I have to be honest, when I got it I assumed it was a joke and even accused my partner of being the one to pull it on me. Now he is determined to help me figure out who you are even though I told him I didn't need to help.

Next, I'd like to thank you for all the lovely gifts. However, I want you to know that as wonderful as they are, I'm not one that needs or expects gifts. That being said though, I'd like you to know how special they made me feel. It's clear that you know me well. The day at the spa, while not something would ever do for myself, was amazing! I've never felt so pampered. I loved all of the other gifts as well.

As for getting Chloe involved in this, I do think you have miscalculated. She after all is my little sister and if I wasn't already aware of your identity, it wouldn't be hard to convince her to tell me.

Now on to the subject of us marrying…I would like to marry one day, but there must be love on both sides. For the present, let me suggest that we meet and have dinner…until then…

Sarah

Tossing and turning half the night, trying to figure out if her secret admirer really was Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez, she had no problem being up in time to call Chloe before school since she'd slept so little. Mac was pretty sure she would be able to talk Chloe into telling her who her secret admirer was. However, her plan was foiled at least for a time. Chloe's grandmother answered the phone and reported that she had left for school early because of a student government meeting. Mac thanked her and said she would call back later.

The rest of her day went better than the morning had. She was able to get everything cleared up in time to catch a dinner flight home. As soon as she got home she intended to call Chloe and get some…or at least one…straight answer!

What she found on her doorstep distracted her only for a moment. The package would be there after the call to Chloe was made.

Her little sister came on the line and before even saying 'hello' announced, "Mac there is no way you're going to get me to tell you who he is!"

To be continued….


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

"It's alright Chloe. I've already figured out who it is. That's not the reason I'm calling."

"Cool! How did you figure it out?"

"Well, a good lawyer has to be part detective too. We put the clues together to come up with the answers we need. That was all I did, put the clues together."

"So what other clues were there?"

"Well, he knew I would love a day at the spa…"

"Oh come on Mac! How hard was that? No woman wouldn't love a day at a spa!" Chloe protested.

"Okay, true, but he knew I liked to run…"

Chloe interrupted again, 'Your mailman could have known that about you!"

"But the mailman wouldn't have known my favorite brand of running shoes or my size!"

"Okay, you got me there…what else?"

"The emails came on my work address, so it has to be someone that knew that."

"That still leaves a lot of people it could be!"

"He sent me flowers that meant 'secret love' so he has to know a lot about flowers."

"Not really," Chloe argued. "You can look that stuff up on the internet!"

"He sent me a journal to write my secrets in."

"We all have secrets. That doesn't help much. Do you mean that from just those things you've figured it out?"

"There's just a feeling I get from everything he's sent, and now he's talking about marriage. I think it's someone in my life that has been avoiding commitment up to now. Probably all of his life. After a recent birthday that reminded him that time might be running out, I think he might be reassessing his priorities. And all this secrecy could just be a way to find out how I feel about it before he confronts me with it in person."

"Oh…I guess that makes sense. So who do you think it is?"

Mac took a deep breath praying that her reasoning would have softened Chloe up some before her deliberately wrong guess, so the teenager would reveal the truth. "It's Harm of course."

There was a moment of silence from the other end of the call before Chloe burst out laughing. She was coughing and wheezing before she could stop laughing long enough to say, "Oh god Mac, that's so funny, and oh so very WRONG!"

"Well, okay then silly, who do you think it is?"

"Do you really think I'm young or naive enough to fall for that? You really give me too little credit, Mac!"

"Oh come on Chloe! I'm dying here! I'm pretty sure that it's Gunny, but I wanted to know for sure before I talked to him about it."

"I don't know why you think it's him, but I can guarantee you he won't have any idea what you're talking about if you do go to him. And that's ALL I'm going to say! I've taken two off the list for you, so keep working on it! I'd like to be in your wedding before I start planning my own!"

The cheeky kid didn't even give her time to reply. She just hung up the phone! Mac stared at it for a few minutes before acknowledging that calling Chloe back would get her no closer to the truth. Meanwhile, she had another package without a return address on it to open! Maybe it would provide her with another clue to her secret admirer's identity!"

Her mind though wouldn't stop going over what Chloe had told her. She had firmly set her mind on the idea that her secret admirer was Gunny. She had known it wasn't Harm so Chloe truthfully only eliminated one from her very short list of possibilities. After seeing what her latest gift was she would go over the list again.

Inside the shipping box was a gift box from one of her favorite places along The Mall. She went into Nature's Treasures every time she was in the area. It was run by Native American Indians and everything in the store was made with natural things. All of their items were beautiful and there was usually something in everyone's price range. Although she had seen many things she'd like to own in the store, Mac had always gotten the feeling that they were gift items. Things you purchased for others not for yourself. So, every time she went in she came back out empty handed. Now here was something from her secret admirer from there! A gift chosen just for her from someone who claimed to love her!

She wanted to savor that thought for a time, hugging it close to her and cherishing how it made her feel, but her hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they lifted the lid off of the box.

To be continued….


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Inside was a breathtakingly beautiful dream catcher. It was constructed of wood and leather and decorated with beads and feathers. With it was a booklet that told about all the materials used to make it and a history of dream catchers. She put that aside to read later as she searched for the note she was sure her secret admirer would have included.

The card was also from the store. It was made of recycled paper and there was a lovely hand painted picture of an Indian girl on the front. Inside was a touching message that brought tears to her eyes. Her secret admirer wrote:

To my Princess,

I am sending you this dream catcher because all of us have dreams. We in fact need them to keep us sane. If you hang this above your bed, it will capture your good dreams and ward off the bad ones. I have dreams too, my lovely princess. I dream of us dancing together, in a crowded room, alone under the stars, possibly even at our wedding. We have danced together before you know. Maybe that hint will help you in figuring out who I am. I am looking forward to time we can dance together again.

All my dreams are of you,

Your Secret Admirer

'Damn it!' she thought. 'Why couldn't this be from AJ!?' They had danced together before! Twice in fact! But she just kept coming back to the fact that she knew him well enough to know he wouldn't be secretive like this! If he wanted her, he would come right out and say so, especially now that he was no longer her CO. So that left her to search her mental list once again and this time she scratched Tiner off of it. First, because she was sure he wasn't mature enough for this level of patience and second, because she could never remember dancing with him.

That left Clay and Sturgis of her original list and if she added others she'd danced with, that would put Bud and Mike Roberts on the list. But Mike was as young or younger than Tiner and Bud was happily married! This was getting VERY frustrating because she had pretty firm arguments against both Clay and Sturgis too.

Checking her work email before going to bed to make sure there were no surprises that she'd need to deal with before going into the office in the morning she did find a surprise. An answer to her email, from her secret admirer! Her heart gave a little jump as she opened it and read:

Dearest Princess,

Dinner together would be wonderful…as soon as you know my name…do you?

Your Secret Admirer

PS. Congratulations

The next morning Mac enjoyed her hour of peace and quiet alone in the office catching up on some of the never-ending paperwork that was a part of her job. At 0800 the bullpen was filling up for the day and most at least popped their heads in her open door to tell her they were glad to have her back. At 0815 when Harm strolled in he stepped into her office and asked if she'd had any more contact from her secret admirer. "No, and I'm sure now it was just someone playing a practical joke that fell flat and they gave up."

"You don't still think it was me, do you?" he wanted to know.

"No, Harm, I believed you when you said it wasn't."

"Okay, but we should still try and figure out who it was so we…you can get him back!"

"I'd really just rather forget it Harm. Please let it go."

"That doesn't seem like much fun!" he protested.

"Probably not, but it's the way I'd like to handle it," she assured him.

At 0845, fifteen minutes before the morning staff meeting, Mac's phone rang. It was Jen Coates telling her that the General would like to see her in his office ASAP! Mac said she would be right there.

Entering his office after Jen announced her; she came to attention in front of his desk waiting for Cresswell to acknowledge her presence. Looking up from the papers in his hand, he rose and came around the desk to stand in front of her. "So, you want to leave us, Colonel?"

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	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

"I beg your pardon, Sir?"

"I just received your transfer papers on my desk this morning, Colonel."

"I see. I didn't think the decision would be made this quickly, Sir. I had intended to tell you that I'd applied for the position today."

"Well, it seems they are in a hurry to have you, Colonel. If you can straighten up all your affairs in the next two days, they want you on the bench on Monday."

"I can do that, General. But I wouldn't want to leave you short handed here, Sir."

"You won't be Colonel. We are getting a new lawyer in the office tomorrow in fact. A Lieutenant Vukovic will be joining the ranks. Any of your cases that you can't clear up today or tomorrow can be passed along to him."

"Yes, Sir."

"Well, let's get out there and make the announcement before the meeting," Cresswell said, indicating that she should proceed him from the office.

Her thoughts were going a mile a minute as they entered the bullpen. She'd gotten the job! And would be starting on Monday! Then, just as Coates called everyone to attention, Mac remembered the PS in her secret admirer's email! Congratulations! Could this have been what he meant?! But if so, how could he have known even before Cresswell? The General had said he'd only been informed this morning! The stunned look from those thoughts led those in the bullpen to think that Cresswell's announcement had come as a complete surprise to her.

It was only as the General returned to his office to allow her co-workers time to congratulate and question her that she snapped out of it. Answering their questions, she explained that she just felt it was time for a change. They really didn't have long to talk before it was time for them to gather in the conference room.

Cresswell announced that they would have a new lawyer in the office starting the next day and after that the meeting went on as normal, with only Mac receiving no new cases.

She hadn't been back in her office for more than twenty minutes when she got a call from Harriett Roberts asking her to go to lunch with her. Mac was sure Bud had called her with the news of her transfer.

Harriett confirmed that was exactly what had happened when the two of them sat down to eat. She also told Mac that she'd been making plans ever since she'd learned the news. Harriett assured her that everything was pending her approval, but Mac knew just how disappointed Harriett would be if she vetoed the ideas for the party.

With the plans okayed by Mac, Harriett settled back in her seat and offered up a bit of news she didn't know if Mac was aware of. The Admiral had been given a clean bill of heath, in regards to his eyes, and would also be starting his new job on Monday. Mac immediately suggested that Harriett turn it into a joint party for the two of them.

Harriett was thrilled at the idea and said she would call the Admiral that afternoon to confirm the time and place with him.

Mac also suggested that Clayton Webb be added to the guest list, because even though she had broken up with him, he was a friend of AJ's. Harriett agreed and Mac was excited at the prospect of having all of the possible secret admirer's on her list in one place at one time. Maybe she would be able to discover his identity Friday evening!

The rest of the afternoon Mac worked hard to clear up her caseload. Her only break in the routine of work was a call from Harriett to say that Admiral Chegwidden would be happy to take part in the party on Friday. That brightened up her mood considerably.

She arrived home a bit later than normal that evening, but was happy with the amount of work she had accomplished. At her door she found another package waiting for her. She wondered if it would be another frustrating experience. Another gift, while wonderful to receive, thoughtful and caring, and oh so carefully chosen, still a dead end in finding out who her secret admirer was.

To be continued….


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Letting herself into the apartment, she put her briefcase and the package on the coffee table. Then she put a Hungryman TV dinner in the microwave so it could cook while she got out of her uniform. Now comfortably attired in a pair of boxers and a loose T-shirt, she retrieved her dinner from the microwave, grabbed a soda from the fridge and walked into the living room so she could eat and stare at her latest package at the same time.

With every bite she berated herself. She was smarter than this! She should have figured this out by now! She'd had cases harder than this that she'd had no trouble solving! The worst thing was, it wasn't even as if her secret admirer was trying to hide his identity from her! He wanted her to figure it out! Good God in Heaven, he was sending her clues every few days just so she would figure it out!

Finally finished eating, she pulled the package closer and opened it. It was a lovely porcelain couple caught in the middle of a waltz. She opened the card, read the message, and then she almost flung the figurine across the room to crash it into a thousand pieces on the far wall! If not for the beauty of the pair, she might have. The message had simply said; "So, my dream of dancing with you again will come true tomorrow!"

She was furious with herself now for getting Clay invited. If he hadn't been coming, that would have eliminated one more name from the list. But then again, if it was Clay and he hadn't been invited, she might not have gotten this gift at all! Once again she had to curb the urge to throw the figurine.

The next day Lieutenant Vukovic arrived and was introduced around the office. Mac was all the more glad she was leaving because the only word that came to mind to describe JAG's newest attorney was slimy! Unfortunately, she had to spend most of the afternoon trapped in her increasingly small office with him briefing him on the cases she would be passing off to him. In the space of the two hours, forty-one minutes, and thirteen seconds they had spent together, he had asked her out three times and had found four opportunities to touch her.

He was good though, she had to give him that. Twice it could have simply been an inadvertent brushing of bodies as they moved about the office getting something from the filing cabinet or moving paperwork. One time he put his hand on her lower back as they both bent over the desk to read something in a file. The last time was the only one that might have been something she could have protested about. He held the congratulatory hug just a moment or two longer than necessary and she knew she would have looked churlish to have said anything.

However, she almost gasped in disbelief at his parting request that she save a dance for him at the party that night! Mac quickly tried to reassure herself that she had never seen the man before today so there was no way they had ever danced before, and there was no way he could have known the other things that the messages had revealed, so there was simply no way…he just couldn't…simply couldn't be her secret admirer!

To be continued….


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Mac made sure she had time to go home and change out of her uniform into something more feminine. Since AJ was going to be at the party she wanted to look her best. She took a shower, washed and styled her hair, and then stood in front of her closet in her sexiest undies trying to decide what to wear. The party was going to be in Callisto's private dining room. It wasn't exceptionally fancy, but since both AJ and her secret admirer would be there she did want to look good.

Choosing a plain looking black dress, she slipped in to it, pleased with the way the silk felt against her skin. The dress looked very prim from the front. It wasn't until she turned around that you could see the dress was backless from the neck to the waist. Grabbing a matching shawl in case the evening got cool, she headed out to pick up the gift she had ordered for AJ that afternoon from work. The store assured her there was no trouble having it ready and wrapped in time for her to pick it up on the way to the party.

As she pulled into the parking lot she noticed that AJ's black Escalade was already there. A tingle went down her spine at the thought of seeing him again. It had only been two weeks since that meeting in the bullpen, but it seemed like much longer. Then she wondered if her secret admirer was already there too. Walking into the party room Mac saw two tables set up with gifts. One had her name on it and the other AJ's. She put her gift to him on the appropriate table just as Bud and Harriett saw her and hurried over to greet her.

The place cards on the long dining table put the guests of honor at opposite ends of the table from each other. They could look right at each other throughout the entire meal, but were too far apart for conversation.

Harriett jumped to her feet when everyone seemed to be finished eating and announced that it was time to open gifts. She passed out the packages from the tables, but AJ and Mac still had the large length of the table between them. About halfway through the pile of gifts Harriett laughed and said, "Well it looks like someone got you both the same thing!" She handed them each an identically wrapped package of matching size.

Mac didn't have to hear AJ say who his gift was from, it was the one she had given him. Looking at the card that was taped to hers, she saw that hers was from him as well. AJ had written: 'Sarah, yours was looking a little tired and worn. I thought you might like to start the new job with a new case.'

The message in her card to him had said almost the same thing! Both looked at the other as they opened the boxes to reveal golden leather briefcases with a combination lock and their initials in gold under the handle. They had purchased the man and ladies version of the same model.

Holding them up for everyone to see as they had done with every other gift, they spoke in unison saying, "Great minds think alike." After a moment of startled silence everyone in the room laughed.

She had almost expected a gift from her secret admirer, but when all the packages had been opened it wasn't there. There had been a few other nice gifts, like the very expensive bottle of perfume from Clay, but nothing from her secret admirer. She had to wonder if he hadn't been on the guest list after all. If that were the case she would have to totally rethink the possible list of people it could be!

But that would have to wait. With the gifts out of the way it was time for dancing and as the band started playing, Harriett was the one that suggested that the two honored guests should lead the dancing.

Mac's heart sank when her friend did that, she had so wanted him to ask her instead of being pushed into it this way. However, some of what she had been feeling must have shown on her face, because when AJ led her on to the dance floor and took her into his arms, he said softly so only she could hear, "I would have asked you anyway, Sarah."

To be continued….


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Not having any idea of what to say to that, Mac nonetheless felt her entire body flush with pleasure at his words. She dropped her head, unable to meet his gaze after his remark, but his hiss of surprise as his hand met her naked back caused her to look up again, eager to see his reaction.

For a moment his feet had stopped moving as he recovered from the shock of his hand on her naked skin. As he allowed his hand to investigate just how much of her back was exposed, his feet had once again started to move in time with the music.

She was unable make eye contact with him when she raised her head because his unfocused gaze was aimed somewhere over her left shoulder. So instead, she was able to enjoy a closer inspection of him than she had been able to do during the earlier part of the evening. It was odd to see him out of uniform, and even though he wore a beautiful black suit, he still appeared more casual than he normally did.

When AJ realized her entire back was bare he quickly put some distance between them. The feel of her naked flesh under his hand had caused a jolt of desire to surge through him and the resulting evidence of his arousal was hard to hide. How he wanted to hold her close, to press their bodies together, but he also didn't want to offend her, or move to quickly. She didn't know he was her secret admirer and also had no way of knowing that he had heard all she had said to him in the hospital. More than anything else he wanted her to know that he loved her and wanted her for more than just her body.

Mac couldn't help but feel hurt when he pulled away from her. She didn't think she'd been pressing too close to him, but obviously he felt differently. Now, instead of enjoying the feeling of being in his arms, she couldn't wait for the song to end so she could escape. She needed to figure out what she had done to make him pull away.

The rest of the evening she danced with every other male at the party. She even danced with Vukovic, as much as the prospect was distasteful to her. All she could be glad of, was that with enough senior staff present, he seemed to find a modicum of restraint and behaved himself, even if he did take quite a bit of pleasure in running his hand up and down her bare back. After a time even Clay approached her and asked her to dance. 'Probably so it wouldn't look bad that he hadn't,' she guessed. The Webb's were all about appearances after all.

Mac kept a watchful eye on AJ and every time he looked like he was heading her way to ask her to dance again, she either latched on to the nearest male and practically dragged him to the dance floor, or if that wasn't possible, she made a beeline for the ladies room.

When she saw him dancing with Harriett, Mac quickly asked one of the waiters to help her to her car with her pile of gifts. She tipped him and thanked him with a weary smile. As she pulled her car out of the parking lot, she gave a sad sigh. She had successfully managed to only have the one dance with AJ. Maybe after this latest show of his total lack of interest in her, she could convince her heart to allow herself to consider her secret admirer!

Mac just couldn't understand what had happened. She tossed and turned all night trying to find a reason why he'd said he would have asked her to dance anyway if Harriett hadn't forced the issue and then for him to put as much distance as possible between them as they danced didn't make any sense at all.

She awoke bleary eyed and exhausted to a knock on her door. 'Who the hell could it be at 0752 on a Saturday morning?!' she thought as she pulled her sleep deprived body out of her rumpled bed, all the while planning on how she would slowly kill the person that had awakened her after less than an hour of sleep!

To be continued….


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Looking through the peephole in the door, she was even more pissed off to find that whoever it was, was standing off to the side so she couldn't see them. Calling out, "Who is it?" even though she wasn't expecting an answer. If whoever it was, was hiding from the peephole they probably wouldn't answer either. However she did get some kind of response to her question. There was a soft thumping against the bottom of the door, as if someone was tapping their foot against it!

Unlocking the door she slowly opened it to find something attached to the doorknob. She looked to both sides of the door and saw no one there, then she looked down, and saw two of the deepest brown eyes in the world just staring up at her.

Bending down to get a closer look at the darling little puppy at her feet she saw that there was a card attached by a ribbon to its collar. She also saw a large basket sitting next to the puppy. In it there was a bag of Puppychow, a double sided bowl for food and water, a bag of treats, and several toys.

Taking hold of the leash that had been wrapped around the doorknob she led the miniature bulldog pup into the apartment, after picking up the basket. Putting that down on the coffee table she sat on the couch and lifted the puppy into her lap. "Aren't you just the sweetest little…boy…girl? Maybe this card will tell me or I'll need to get a little personal," she said with a laugh as the puppy licked her cheek.

The card said: I was the runt of the litter, but I ate well, and got big and strong. Just so you don't think I am here to protect you just because you are a woman, I'm a girl too. I hope I receive your seal of approval and win a place in your heart and home. I'm six weeks old today and fully weaned. PS Your secret admirer thinks you should name me.

"Well hello girl! So you need a name do you? I'd be tempted to call you Princess for reasons I'll have to tell you about later, but I don't know how a Marine mascot would feel about such a girly name. Let's see…you are irresistible…a Marine mascot…and the name Princess means a lot to me lately….hmmmmm. Irresistible…Marine…Princess…that's it! IMP! I'll call you Imp!" She laughed when she got an approving bark from the puppy. Imp seemed to approve of her new name! "Hey I don't suppose you would be willing to tell me just who my secret admirer is, would you?" Mac asked and was not at all surprised when the puppy just barked happily at being talked to, but refused to give out any information. It seemed she'd been trained well! Darn it!

Mac couldn't really blame Imp for not telling who had brought her to her new owner's door, but it was just so frustrating not to know! Not so much so though, that she couldn't enjoy the playful antics of little Imp. It became quite clear before much time had passed at all, that the new little lady in the Mackenzie household would definitely live up to her name.

"The first thing we need to do is figure out where you're going to sleep," Mac told Imp. "Oh no you don't! Don't look at me that way! You are not going to sleep with me, and that's final! Jingo tried when I first got him and what a bed hog he turned out to be! I know you're a lot smaller, but someday I hope to have a man sharing my bed and he might not be as understanding!"

Even though Imp continued to give her the 'puppy dog look' Mac remained firm and found an old blanket that she folded into a soft, thick square. Placing it in the kitchen, she also put Imp's food bowl nearby, after filling it with food and water.

She and Imp spent the day getting to know each other and Mac was pleased that the puppy had only two small accidents. The rest of the time she had whined to let her new mommy know that she needed to go outside.

However, when bedtime came Mac firmly put her down on the blanket and told Imp to 'stay' (they had been working on that command during the day) Imp stayed on her bed, but whined pitifully when Mac walked out of the kitchen. It was the first time 'mommy' had been out of her site since their meeting that morning.

To be continued….


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

When the whine didn't bring 'mommy' back to the kitchen, Imp began to howl! The puppy had an amazing set of lungs for the tiny scrap that it was, and although it was only 2200 hours, Mac knew her neighbors would be protesting if it kept up very long. Returning to the kitchen, she sadly shook her head at the puppy. "Now Imp, I know you're just a baby, but you need to learn to behave too. Please be quiet and go to sleep now, sweetie," she said. Imp had quieted the instant Mac entered the kitchen, but when she turned to go again the puppy immediately started to howl again.

Mac turned to look back at her new puppy and asked, "How can you be spoiled already? I just got you today…wait a minute! Did my secret admirer let you sleep with him? Is that it?! If so, when I finally figure out who he is, I'm going to have a strong talk with him!"

Imp put her head down on her paws and whined pitifully. Looking up a Mac with pleading eyes, her whine turned into a whimper. "Oh okay!" Mac sighed. Picking up the puppy she carried her into the bedroom and slid into bed with her. Imp promptly claimed the unused pillow as hers and with a happy little snuffle she settled down to sleep. Mac shook her head at the little pup, knowing when she'd lost a battle.

Sunday morning she was also awakened by an outside influence, just as she had been the day before. However, this time it wasn't a knock on her door, it was much more insistent. Imp was licking her face and whining to go out. Mac laughed and snuggled with the puppy for just a moment before throwing on a pair of jeans over the boxers she slept in. Grabbing Imp's leash they headed for the door.

There sitting on top of here newspaper was a basket. Another gift from her secret admirer she guessed, but Imp's need to 'go' was clearly a more immediate need. She would have to wait to check it out until they got back.

It didn't take long for Imp to take care of her morning business and although she very much wanted to stay and romp in the grass, Mac wanted to go back to the apartment and find out what her latest gift was. Picking up the reluctant puppy, she promised her a long walk in the park that afternoon. Mac didn't know if Imp understood, but she had been rewarded by a lick on the cheek in any case.

Opening the apartment door and shooing Imp inside, she bent down to pick up her gift and the paper. She was surprised at how heavy the basket was. Putting both items on the coffee table she sat on the floor and laughed when Imp tried to distract her with her squeaky frog. Mac took it from the puppy and tossed it to the other side of the room as she pulled off the cloth covering the basket's contents.

Inside she found a selection of cheese from a hot and spicy peppercorn to a light and buttery baby havarti. But it didn't contain just cheese. Under the individually wrapped cheeses were several bags of Hershey's kisses! She had no idea that they came in such a large number of varieties! There were truffles, ones with almonds, raspberry, and caramels too. There was even a bag of peanut butter ones! With a happy smile and another squeaky frog toss, she reached for the card that had been enclosed.

My dearest Sarah,

I couldn't send you aged wine for obvious reasons, but because I know you appreciate well aged things, I hope this selection of cheeses will serve as an adequate substitute. I do dream of kissing you, my princess, but until I can deliver them to you in person I hope that you will think of each of the chocolate ones as a kiss from me. I know your lips will be sweeter then these though.

I hope the puppy made you happy and I look forward to discovering what you named her. I'm sorry though that we only got to dance together once on Friday night, but I hope that there will be many more opportunities for us to do so.

I will email you tomorrow and if you can tell me my name I would like to cook dinner for you as a way of celebrating your first day at the new job.

Your Secret Admirer

Mac groaned in frustration, crumpled up the card in her hand, and threw it across the room. When Imp cheerfully brought it back to her something clicked in her brain. It wasn't just the gifts that were clues to who he was! The messages had valuable information as well!

To be continued….


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Gathering up all the notes, because she had saved each one, and her laptop with the emails, she plopped down once again at the coffee table prepared to unravel the mystery…no matter how long it took.

Poor Imp was totally forgotten as Mac delved into her research. Mac even forgot the walk in the park she had promised her new puppy. Imp lay down at her mommy's feet and went to sleep.

Mac felt that she had to work under the assumption that she knew her secret admirer. Her first clue was that he called her 'Sarah' and so very few did that. Pulling out pen and paper, she wrote down Clay, because after they started dating he switched from calling her Mac to Sarah. She added AJ's name because she remembered hearing him call her that a couple of times too.

Her next clue was that her secret admirer admired her intelligence. She put a star next to both names on her list because she knew both men on it did, just as she knew Harm thought he was smarter than she was so that would leave him out on that issue.

The card she had gotten with the spa gift certificate said that even tough Marine's needed taking care of sometimes. She put another star by both Clay and AJ's names because she could see both of them thinking that.

The next gift had been flowers. She reasoned that having gotten flowers from Clay while in their dating stage, he had never once indicated that he had any knowledge of the meanings behind the types of flowers. Also Clay had told her he loved her so he wouldn't claim it was a secret. This time she placed a star by AJ's name only.

Then she had received the meal from Callisto's. Almost everyone she knew well knew of her love for Callisto's food so she added Harm, Gunny, Sturgis, and Tiner to her list even though she thought most of them were unlikely. However she also added a star by Clay and AJ's names because they also knew she liked Callisto's.

The note that came with the leather journal spoke of everyone having secret dreams and desires. As Chloe had pointed out, everyone knew that too, so she added a star by each name on her list.

The plaque with the meaning of her name had her adding another star by Clay and AJ.

Then there were the running shoes, now there was a conundrum! All of the men on her list knew that she ran, so each got a star for that. However, she didn't really think any of them knew her favorite brand of shoes or her size…then again Clay had shown up with that evening gown claiming he could find out anything about her, even her size, so he got an extra star for that.

The email from Chloe revealed that she knew her 'big sister's' secret admirer, so everyone but Clay got a star for that. But then Mac reasoned that even though Chloe had never met Clay, she did know that Mac had dated him for some time, so she knew 'of' him. Clay got a star anyway. However, Chloe had implied that neither Harm nor Gunny were her secret admirer, so Mac crossed both names off the list. She was sure Chloe wouldn't lie to her over something so important.

The email on the same day from her secret admirer spoke of his wish to marry her. That would have removed Harm from the list if he hadn't already been taken off. Clay had proposed to her at one time, so he got another star.

The dream catcher message spoke of everyone having dreams, but also said that she had danced with him before. She had danced with all four men left on her list so they all received a star.

Her next clue came in the answer to the email she had sent to her secret admirer. He had congratulated her. It had to have been for getting the job as Judge and she suspected that only Clay and AJ would have been able to do that. They each got another star.

Tiner was removed from the list as she reviewed the card that had arrived with the dancing couple figurine. It said her secret admirer would dance with her the next night and she knew Jason hadn't been at the party. And then there were three.

To be continued…


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

In the card she had gotten with the puppy, her secret admirer spoke of the puppy protecting her. She could see both Clay and AJ wanting to do that, although she never got that kind of feeling from Sturgis. Added to that, in all the time they had spent together, Clay had never talked about having pets. But the biggest thing that stood out in that note was the comment about getting a 'seal of approval' from her. This seemed a bit of an odd comment and because AJ had been a SEAL, he got the only star for the gift of Imp.

The note that had come that day had spoke of her respect for age, and although Clay was older than she was, only AJ was enough older to make it worth mentioning. It also spoke of how sweet he thought her kisses would be and since Clay already knew what her kisses were like, she could only surmise that this star had to go to AJ as well. But then it said her secret admirer would cook dinner for her and she knew that both Clay and AJ could cook so she gave both names a star for that.

That was all of the information she had at the moment. So it was time to analyze her findings. Because there were now only three names left on the list, Sturgis was easily dismissed since he only had five stars. Counting up Clay and AJ's stars she sat there in stunned amazement. Clay had fourteen and AJ fifteen! The fact that they had come out so close in the count surprised her. She hadn't expected that! But had the fact that she loved AJ and not Clay unduly influenced her so he came out ahead simply because that was how she wished it to be? Even though she hadn't been aware that the two were that close, she had to admit that her heart might have snuck in, giving AJ more points based on her desire for him.

The only fair thing to do was to go back over all the evidence one more time and be scrupulously fair. After doing that the only change in the outcome was that she had awarded Clay one more star. She had to admit the meaning of flowers were readily available on the internet just as Chloe had said, so AJ couldn't be the only one to get a star for the gardenias. This then made them completely even! Now she was even more confused than ever!

Her tummy rumbling reminded her that she had missed lunch. Going into the kitchen to find something to eat, she discovered she had been a bad mommy. Not only had Imp given her both a liquid and solid deposit on the kitchen floor, but the pup had obviously been hungry too. She discovered her baby sleeping dejectedly by her empty bowl.

Mac fed both herself and the puppy after cleaning up the messes and then decided that it really wasn't all that late. They could still have their walk in the park. An hour later both of them returned happy and hungry again from all the fresh air and running around.

The next morning she took the puppy for a quick walk to do her business. After checking to see that Imp had food and water, she blocked off the entrance to the kitchen so the puppy would be confined to one room and left to start her new job.

She entered her new office and was met with the sight of several UPS packages sitting on her desk. As she moved behind it to put down her new briefcase and purse so she could open the packages she saw a large decorative fern in a raised plant stand in the corner of the room. Walking over to it she removed the card and returned to the desk.

Mac was a bit overwhelmed by the stack of boxes. When she was able to sort them out she discovered there were six in various shapes and sizes, plus the plant! Her secret admirer had gone overboard! Opening the card that was on the plant, she read:

My Dearest Sarah,

I wanted to welcome you to your new office with a living breathing reminder of my love for you. A fern means 'secret bond of love', I only hope that I will not be a secret to you much longer.

Your Secret Admirer

To be continued….


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Tears came to her eyes at the beautiful words. She eagerly reached for one of the boxes wanting to know what else he had thought to send her. She opened the long thin box to discover a beautiful leather desk set. There was a blotter, calendar, appointment book, and a lovely pen and pencil set. The only problem with the first two gifts was that she could see both Clay and AJ giving her something like them.

The second box she opened made her tear up again. It was a framed shadow box of all her medals and ribbons. The message with it read:

My love,

You are the bravest person I know and I want these medals to serve as a constant reminder for you. Whenever you think you lack the courage to do something, or doubt you are doing the right thing, I want you to look at them and have the faith in yourself that I do in you.

Mac knew that Clay might think she was brave, but only AJ would know how much this set of medals would mean to her. He got the star for this one!

Her next gift was a bit of a puzzle. It looked like two silver charms that would go on a bracelet, but she didn't own one. 'How odd!' she thought. 'Her secret admirer had never made that kind of mistake before.' Still the charms were cute. One was a jester, and the other a bulldog, just like Imp. Assessing this latest gift honestly, she just couldn't see either man having sent it. So she put it aside to think more about it later, she reached for one of the last two.

This gift just shouted Clay's name to her. He had always complained about her stubbornness and how once she'd made a decision it was always final. There was no changing her mind. A gavel with her name on it was clearly his way of saying she'd taken the right job for her personality. Even though the card read:

Sarah, I know you will wield your new power with fairness and wisdom. Your Secret Admirer

The last gift showed that she had opened the fourth box out of order. Here was the charm bracelet that the pervious two charms would attach to. As she lifted it out of the jewelry box she saw that there was already one attached to it. It was a tiny scales of justice and the card said, 'I know you will weigh justice with mercy and compassion.' This gift had to be from AJ. If Clay had sent her jewelry, it would have been diamonds in white gold or platinum, not a sweet charm bracelet in sterling silver.

So, in viewing the lot of gifts, she counted three more stars for Clay and four for AJ. Still not a definitive answer, but AJ was now one point ahead. Putting everything away and making a pot of coffee, she sat back down at her computer and opened her emails. She clicked on the one from her secret admirer with a smile of anticipation. However when she finished reading it there was a frown on her face. This couldn't have come from AJ! So she was right back to a damn tie between the two men!

My beautiful Princess,

I picture you sitting on the bench today in your oh-so-proper robes, but I have to admit to something that may shock you…I have been known to have very Improper thoughts about you at times!

Do you know who I am yet, my darling? I hope so because I'm hoping to see you for dinner tonight.

Your Secret Admirer

No, she just couldn't see Admiral AJ Chegwidden sending that email! As much as she would want him to have improper thoughts about her, she just couldn't picture him doing this. With a sigh she began her answer to the email.

Dear Secret Admirer,

I have to be honest with you; I spent most of the weekend going over all the clues and have still not come up with a firm answer. I have been able to narrow the list of possible people down to two; however, when I analyze everything the two of you are in a dead heat. I know who I would like you to be, but I honestly don't know if you are Clay or AJ.

Sarah.

To be continued….


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

AJ sat in front of his computer reading the email from Sarah. He wondered with all the different clues he had sent how she could still not tell if it were Clay or himself. He couldn't help but be a little hurt that she didn't know. However, he did take to heart her comment of whom she wished it to be. He had to admit in the back of his mind there was still some doubt that she could really love him, so he would pose one more small test in his answer to her.

Mac's first morning on the bench had been interesting and entertaining. Harm and Vukovic had gone up against each other and she got to play referee. The case would take several days to try and she was looking forward to it if the fireworks this morning where anything to go by. She grabbed a quick lunch in the cafeteria and returned to her office to see if she had an answering email from her secret admirer. She was pleased to see that she had.

My darling Sarah,

I am making dinner for the two of us this evening. My hope is that I am the one you are wishing is your secret admirer. Follow your heart and it will lead you home. I hope to mine. Dinner will be ready at 7pm. My heart will be praying to see you then.

Your Secret Admirer

So this was it! Her chance to take her love life in her hands and go for what she wanted. If she showed up at the wrong door she could come up with an easy excuse. She could be checking on AJ's health, or she could claim she'd left something behind at Clay's and wondered if he still had it. However, if she arrived at Clay's door and he was cooking what would she do? She'd have to tell him the truth that she loved someone else and she couldn't settle for anyone but him. Then again after the email she had sent, if Clay was her secret admirer he would know who the other was!

But her secret admirer had challenged her to follow her heart and to go to the man she wanted him to be. Well, she wanted it to be AJ with every breath she took, with every beat of her heart. There was no question where she wanted to go. The question was did she have the courage to drive out to McLean, get out of her car, go up to his door, and knock? Hoping he was there making dinner for two?

Then her eye fell on one of the gifts she had gotten that morning. The shadow box of her medals and she read again the card that accompanied it, "You are the bravest person I know and I want these medals to serve as a constant reminder for you. Whenever you think you lack the courage to do something, or doubt you are doing the right thing, I want you to look at them and have the faith in yourself that I do in you."

She got off work at 1700 hours. It took her fifteen minutes to drive home. The drive to McLean would take her forty-five minutes, so she had exactly one hour to get ready. At home her plan had been to lay out what she was going to wear, then to take a hot bath; however, she wasn't yet used to a puppy in the house. Her plan was thrown out the window when she arrived home to discover that Imp believed she had just been rescued from utter abandonment! The puppy wouldn't leave her side as Mac tried to get what she needed to done. When she stepped into the tub she was sure that Imp would have followed her there too if she could have jumped that high! Instead she laid down on the rug right next to the tub and watched Mac's every move.

Mac giggled and told Imp, "If I didn't know you were a girl, I'd think you were a voyeur!" The only response she got was a soft snuffle.

When her bath was finished she spent fifteen minutes on her hair and make up, put on the clothes she had set out and still had ten minutes to take Imp out for a quick walk around the building.

Back inside she shooed Imp into the kitchen prepared to lock her in while she left for dinner. The puppy however was having none of it! She whined at first then howled, and no amount of begging from Mac would get her to quiet down. Finally she knew she'd be late if she didn't leave right then, so she did the only thing a good mommy could do. With her purse in one hand and the leash in the other they both headed for the car.

To be continued….


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Mac was eternally grateful that Imp settled down for a nap as soon as the car had started to move. With her nerves the way they were, she didn't think that she could've handled a romping puppy. The butterflies in her stomach were more the size of condors and her hands were trembling so much she didn't know how she was able to drive a stick shift.

She pulled up in front of his house and her heart sank. The place was dark! He wasn't home. He wasn't cooking dinner for two. He wasn't expecting her. He wasn't her secret admirer!

Then, just as she felt her heart breaking, the front door opened and AJ stepped out onto the porch. Even though Imp had woke up when the car stopped and started barking excitedly when she saw AJ on the porch, Mac was still considering backing up and driving away. Her eyes drank in the sight of him even as her hand reached for the shift knob. Then she saw something in his hand. Something that stopped her hand and almost her heart.

In slow motion she got out of the car. Both of them ignored Imp as she escaped from the car and ran up to AJ yipping about his ankles. The two humans had eyes only for each other as Mac made her way up the walk to the waiting man on the porch. She felt like a bride approaching her groom at the altar.

When she stood at the bottom of the steps he held out his free hand to safely bring her to his side. As she reached the spot next to him he held out the single long stemmed red rose to her.

She took it from him and buried her nose in it to inhale the heady fragrance as he said, "Sarah."

"My…admirer…"

"Not so secret now?" he smiled gently at her.

"I don't know how I ever could have thought it was anyone but you!"

"You allowed your heart to lead you here."

"My heart's home has always been with you."

"And yet in your analysis Clay and I tied?"

"Only on paper. In my heart it was always you. It was just that some of the things you sent seemed out of character for you."

"Everything I sent had something to do with things you had said to me."

"I don't understand…"

"Why don't you come in and I can explain over some sparkling cider?" he invited.

"Alright…I hope you don't mind that I brought Imp with me?"

"Imp? Cute name. No, I'm sure Dammit will be happy to see her again. They got along quite well while she was here."

They entered the house and Mac saw why it had appeared dark when she pulled up. The only light was the dozen or so candles placed around the room. Also, everywhere there were candles there were red roses. Taking it all in she asked softly, "All this is for me?"

"Everything is for you, Sarah," he told her after leading her to a seat and handing her a glass of cider.

Feeling a bit unsure of herself still at this point and not knowing what to say to that, she tried, "You were going to explain…"

"Yes. I decided to go the secret admirer route because of the secret you were keeping from me."

"How did you…Francesca!" Mac gasped, feeling betrayed by AJ's daughter.

"No, she didn't tell me Sarah, you did."

"I never…wait the only time I ever said that with you around was while you were…"

"While I was in the hospital. In the coma."

"Who told you? There wasn't anyone else in the room!"

"I heard you. Every word you, Francesca, Adele, and everyone else that visited me, said."

As she sat there recalling the things that she had said, some of the gifts suddenly made sense. "The dream catcher was because I said I had dreamed of you!" At his nod she went on, "The kisses because of the kiss we almost had?"

"Yes."

"But the cheese? And the shoes?"

"The cheese was because you had said I was more mature than Harm. The shoes and desk set with the calendar was because you told Francesca and Adele that you knew my running schedule."

"So the spa day was because I protested that you hadn't needed to save me! Oh and Imp too! Because I'm a woman!"

"Also because of what you told me about the Seal pup picture in your office and how Adele had told you she called me a 'runt' when we were kids."

"Oh! So the email from Chloe was because of Adele calling you her 'little brother'?"

"Yes."

"The dancers because we'd danced together at my engagement party?"

"And because you said that was the reason you called off the wedding. I loved holding you in my arms like that."

"Then why did you pull away from me at the promotion party?!" she asked in a hurt tone.

To be continued….


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

"Because I couldn't control my body's reaction to the discovery your dress had no back," AJ admitted slowly.

"Oh," Mac sighed, glad that hurt had been cleared up. Still there were other things she'd like explained, "I can understand the flowers and plant you sent, even the meal from Callisto's, but why the journal?"

"You told me you didn't know if you could tell me the secret you kept, so I thought you might need a place to write things down. It was also the reason I sent you the box of your medals, to remind you how brave you really are."

She nodded her acceptance of his explanation and moved on to her next question, "I don't see how the charm bracelet fits into anything I said to you though."

"Those ideas also tie into the cheese which I explained and the gavel. It was for your comparison of me to Dalton and the power you spoke of. The scale charm was for balance. The jester was for your reference to Mic and humor. The bulldog was because you told Francesca that you wouldn't leave me."

"I see," she whispered amazed that he seemed to remember every word she'd said. However there were a couple of things that couldn't have happened when he'd been in the hospital. "What about the congratulations you sent before even I or General Cresswell were informed I'd gotten the judge position?"

"When you told me you were applying for it, I sent in a letter of recommendation on you're behalf. The administrator on the decision board turned out to be someone from my Academy class. She sent me an email letting me know you'd been selected."

"Okay, I guess that makes sense. Thank you for doing that. I know I'm going to love the new job."

"It was the least I could do for the years of exemplary service you put in at JAG and for putting up with me as my Chief of Staff."

"I loved my time at JAG with you. It just wasn't the same with Cresswell at the helm."

"I'm sorry about that."

"In your first email, you called me 'Sarah' instead of Mac. That's why after thinking Harm was playing a joke, I thought it was Clay. He always called me that after Paraguay, and I could only remember twice in eight years that you called me that."

"That's an easy one to answer. Colonel Mackenzie was my Chief of Staff, and Mac was my co-worker and I'd like to think friend. But Sarah…well Sarah was the woman of my dreams, the one I loved in secret all those years…the woman I dreamed of marrying."

Mac stared at him with wonder in her eyes, she had remembered that, but had been afraid to bring it up just in case…"I remember you saying that…well at the time I didn't know it was you…just that my secret admirer had said it. I still find it hard to comprehend that you have those kinds of feelings about me…I'm babbling," she admitted, blushing at the end.

"Sarah, you can babble all you want. Was there anything else that needed to be explained?"

She was a bit disconcerted that he just completely overlooked what she had said. Could she have been wrong to mention marriage…but he had said it first! Then thinking back she realized that he had said it in the past tense! She was so confused and hurt. Hesitatingly she said, "Well, the only thing left was the last email about improper thoughts. I was certain that you couldn't have sent it."

"Why? Did you think you were the only one that had dreams about us together?"

"Ummm…well I guess I really hadn't thought about it at all. Did you really have dreams about…us…together?"

"Oh so many! Daydreams as well, there were times you were sitting in front of my desk, and you would cross your legs…I couldn't come out from behind it after that!"

"I never knew," she said quietly.

"Your dreams of us weren't like that?"

"Oh they were! I couldn't count the number of times I had to lower my eyes after you would turn around after staring out your window in your summer whites!"

This time it was AJ's turn to blush. The look in her eyes was one he had never seen before from her and he found that he liked it very much! "Yes…well… maybe we should have dinner now? After all I did promise to feed you. I'll get the food on the table if you'll let Dammit and Imp out for a bit?"

Mac nodded, still confused about his refusal to talk about the marriage issue especially when he had been the first one to bring it up.

To be continued….


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Mac let the dogs out and then back in again. As they sat down to the wonderful smelling meal AJ asked, "So how did you come by the name Imp for your puppy?"

"Well, I thought that she was just Irresistible, and she is the Marine's mascot. Plus you kept calling me Princess in your notes, so I M P…Imp."

"Very clever!" he laughed.

Tasting the food on her plate, she sighed with pleasure. "What is this? It's heavenly!"

"It's Spaghetti Carbonara, with Pancetta. A favorite of Francesca's, she introduced me to it during one of my visits to Italy. When I got home I searched for the recipe and then tinkered with it until it was as close to her favorite restaurant's version as I could get it. She was very pleasantly surprised the next time she came for a visit."

"I can certainly understand that! It's wonderful!"

"I'd be happy to make it for you whenever you like, Sarah."

'Now what did he mean by that?' she wondered. First he avoided talk of marriage, but here he was acting like they would share many meals together. The rest of the meal was rather quiet after that, about the only thing they spoke of were the antics of the two dogs who seemed very happy to see each other again.

When both had finished eating, AJ suggested that they go into the living room and have their coffee there. Once he'd served it, he explained that he wanted to play a song for her. Going over to the stereo system to set it up he said, "I've always enjoyed music, but after returning from the hospital with one eye covered, I was discouraged from reading too much, therefore I relied even more on music for relaxation. This song was from a CD that Adele said was a favorite of hers. She left it here with me and this song spoke to me deeply of the time you and I shared while I was in the coma. I'd like to play it for you, if you don't mind."

Mac was intrigued and nodded for him to go ahead. She couldn't imagine what kind of song would remind him of such an unusual time that he saw them sharing. She, at the time, had certainly seen that time as very one sided.

As the music filled the room she was surprised to hear Josh Groban's voice. He was a favorite singer of hers too and this was a song she had never heard before!

For Always I close my eyes and there in the shadows  
I see your light  
You come to me out of my dreams  
Across the night

You take my hand though you may be so many stars away  
I know that our spirits and souls are one  
We've circled the moon and we've touched the sun  
So here we'll stay

For always, forever  
Beyond here and on to eternity  
For always, forever

For us there's no time and no space  
No barrier love won't erase  
Wherever you go  
Is to know  
In my heart you will be  
With me

From this day on I'm certain I'll never be alone  
I know what my heart must have always known  
That love has a power that's all its own

And for always, forever  
Then we can fly  
And for always and always  
We will go on beyond goodbye

For always, forever  
Beyond here and on to eternity  
For always, and ever  
You'll be a part of me

And for always, forever  
A thousand tomorrows may cross the sky  
And for always and always  
We will go on beyond goodbye

As she sat there listening to the beautiful words, thinking what he wanted her to understand from them, she closed her eyes to savor the lovely song. That was how she missed his next action. That was how she was surprised to find him kneeling in front of her holding out a ring box when she opened her eyes.

To be continued….


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

"Sarah the reason I didn't say anymore about marriage when it was brought up before dinner was because I had one more gift to give you. Not as your secret admirer, but as the man who has loved you deeply and in secret for the last eight years. Would you do me the honor of accepting this ring and the promise of a life together as husband and wife?"

She sat there staring at the beautiful ring in the box for a moment in stunned silence, then her eyes met his. All the love and desire she had ever hoped to have was there in his eyes and it was all for her! She could hardly believe it.

AJ smiled tenderly at her speechlessness and gently reminded her, "Sarah, I was hoping for an answer here."

"Oh!" she gasped and then blushed. "I'm sorry I didn't realize…Yes! Oh yes!"

"That's a relief! For a moment there when you started to apologize, I thought you were going to turn me down."

"How could you even think that?! I love you so much!"

"And I love you as well. You can have all the time you like before we get married. I know we haven't dated at all, and I may be old fashioned, but I want to court you."

She smiled, "Doesn't the courting unusually come before the proposal?"

"Traditionally yes, but I wanted to be sure no other man would sweep in and steal you from me."

"No one could AJ! Not now that I know you love me too! I still can hardly believe it. The others were just desperation that I would never have a life with you. But I had finally come to the decision that I would rather just be alone if I couldn't have you. No one could measure up and it really wasn't fair to them or me to keep comparing them to you, so it was better if I just faced that fact. But as for a long engagement, this will be the shortest one on record! I want us married before you have a chance to change your mind!"

"Sarah! That's not going to happen! How odd it is that we both felt the same about the others in our lives. Each was a replacement for you. Seeing you each day and not being able to tell you or take you in my arms was killing me. I guess I just felt if I could have someone to go home to it wouldn't be so bad. I found out differently however, and had made the same choice you said you had. I assure you, my love for you will never fade, I can only see it growing stronger over the years, and I want you to have the wedding of your dreams."

"All I need for that is to have you there!" she told him.

"Surely you'll want to have Chloe there, remember I did promise her."

"Yes I would, and Francesca and Adele must be there as well. They were so kind to me when you were in the hospital. But I'm not sure I can forgive you for telling Chloe that you wanted to marry me before you told me!" she teased.

"Mmmmm, what could I do to make that up to you?"

She pretended to consider for a moment and then held out her hand to the man still kneeling before her. "You might start by putting that beautiful ring on my finger and follow it up by kissing me!"

After he slid the ring onto her finger, he stood, pulling her to her feet as well. "That's right. Our only kiss so far has been the one you gave me in the hospital."

"You remember that?!" she gasped.

"Remember it? Sarah, don't you know that's what brought me around?"

"AJ…are you sure? It might have been just a coincidence."

"No, Sarah, it was your kiss, a kiss I think I'd been waiting for all of my life. But as wonderful as that one was, I'd like to try another now that I'm fully awake to enjoy it."

To be continued….


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

"I think that would be a splendid idea," Mac whispered as he lowered his head and their lips drew closer.

If kissing AJ when he had been unaware had been wonderful, then having him fully capable of returning the kiss was nothing short of amazing. His lips were the same, firm yet soft, but this time there was movement too. He wasn't only participating, but he was taking charge.

At first he spent time just enjoying the contact between them, he gave her several light kisses, and even nipped her bottom lip once. Then his tongue tasted her lips, running along them as if searching for different flavors. When he had fully explored her lips, his tongue urged her mouth open and he entered. The kiss had gone from slow and pleasant to fast and intense in less than a heartbeat.

She moaned into his mouth as she pressed herself closer to him. As her arms went around his neck she could feel the evidence of his desire rising against her tummy. Their tongues teased and played with each other, advancing and retreating again and again as passion grew.

When they had to pause for some much needed air, both of them were flushed and gasping. "Oh Sarah, I can't tell you how much I want to sweep you up into my arms and carry you off to my bed right now, so I think for my sanities sake, you should probably head home."

"And if I don't want to?"

"Then I'll have to excuse myself for a while and go take an icy shower."

"Hmmmmm, do you think that together we could still steam up the window and mirror?"

"Sarah?!" he said, not even sure himself if he was asking or protesting.

"AJ, I love you, you love me, we're engaged and are planning to be married very soon…why should we wait?"

"I didn't want to rush you…I mean until today you didn't even know who I was…"

At how silly that had come out, she couldn't help but laugh, and as he stumbled to explain what he had meant, it only got worse.

"I mean didn't know the difference between Clay and I…or rather which of us was your secret admirer until you got here and you've only known for a short time how I feel about you."

"Yes, but I do know you…I've known and loved you for years. That's why I don't think we need a long engagement or why I don't think we need to wait any longer to be lovers. I don't feel rushed or pressured in any way. I just don't want to wait any longer to start our life together."

Shaking his head, he grinned at her and told her, "You know its logic and persuasiveness like that which made you such a talented attorney. Are you sure that behind the bench is where you'd rather be instead of in front of it?"

"Yes, my love, it is. I always loved my time on the bench when you would assign me there. Plus with us getting married, this position will mean I can be home with you every night, not traveling all over the world."

"I have to admit I'll like that part of it as well."

"So have we settled everything now?"

"I'm sure there are still many things we haven't solved yet, like a date for the wedding, where we'll live, and things like that. Why do you ask?"

"I just meant, had we gotten enough things out of the way that you could do what you suggested?"

"What I suggested?"

"Here I was admiring how well you remembered all that I had said while you were in the hospital and now you can't recall something you said just a few minutes ago?" she shook her head teasingly. "You were going to sweep me off my feet and make wild passionate love to me!"

"I seem to remember just offering to carry you off to my bed."

She sighed, "Do you mean we weren't going to do anything more when we got there?"

To be continued….


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

"I planned to please you till the sun came up," AJ replied with a smile.

"That sounds perfect, as long as you let me please you too."

"I'd like that, Sarah," he responded as he carefully lifted her into his embrace. Carrying her into his bedroom he put her down next to the bed. Cupping her face in his hands he said, "There is one other thing we haven't talked about."

With a wry sigh she asked, "More talking?"

"It's the responsible thing to do."

"What is?" she was confused now.

"We haven't discussed children…in regards' to if and when."

"Oh, I see. I would love to have a child by you AJ. Maybe even more than one if you're willing. Since I'd like us to be married as soon as possible I don't see any reason in trying to prevent it, unless you want to wait? I'm not on the pill since I decided that I was done with relationships if I couldn't have you so…"

"So we'll leave it to fate. I have to admit that fate has been pretty good to me recently so I'm happy with that idea."

"So am I," she replied.

"You are so very beautiful Sarah. I still have a hard time believing that this is all real."

"I do too!"

"Would you allow me to undress you, my love?" he asked.

Grinning happily she gave the answer she had before, "Only if you allow me the same pleasure!"

At his nod of approval, the two of them began undressing each other. Neither was in a hurry now that their goal was so close at hand. Both wanted to take their time and treasure every moment. They both knew that if fate allowed they would make love many many more times, but none would ever again be this first time. They wanted to remember and savor every moment of it.

AJ caressed her skin as he removed each piece of clothing. She was so soft! Every inch of her skin was smooth and silky. He briefly wondered if it was natural for her or if she used lotions and oils to keep it that way. The thought quickly faded though as he concentrated on enjoying the experience rather than analyzing it.

Her hands were also busy removing his clothing. She was not at all surprised to find battle scars on his body. She had, in fact, been anticipating it. However, she had to admit that her fantasies of him had not nearly prepared her for the real thing. She had known he was fit, but thrilled to the exciting body she found. He didn't bulge with muscles, but there wasn't a spare ounce of flesh on him anywhere. His chest was just as she liked it, not naked, not covered in a blanket of hair. No, there was just the right amount for her to run her fingers through.

When both were completely undressed and bodies had been explored, they pulled back the covers on the bed together and with sensuous smiles met each other in the middle.

"Tell me what pleases you Sarah," he whispered as his fingers tenderly caressed her face.

"Just being here with you pleases me more than I ever thought possible AJ. We can learn the rest about each other together."

"Have I told you lately that I love how you think?"

"Oh, not in the last six minutes and forty two seconds…"

"How remiss of me," he chuckled and kissed her. Now that he was free to kiss her anytime he wanted AJ found it hard to stop. Her kisses were more intoxicating than the finest wine. But they would have the rest of their lives for kisses, now there were other firsts to experience together.

His mouth left hers and trailed slow kisses in the direction of one ear as she gasped for air. He didn't quite understand why just as he was about to reach his goal she moved her head away. Maybe her hair had been trapped or her neck was in an awkward position, but once she settled he moved towards her ear again, only to have her remove it from his reach yet again. "Sarah, is there something wrong?"

Blushing lightly, she admitted, "My ears are unusually sensitive for some reason, and having someone play with or kiss them drives me wild."

A wicked gleam came into his eyes at this and he asked, "Oh, is that so?"

Shifting slightly on the bed as she said, "Yes," he was prepared to see if she was telling the truth. Cupping one hand behind her head and placing the other within inches of one hear, his mouth closed in on the other as she realized that he had her trapped.

"AJ, what are you doing?" she demanded as his lips closed around the lobe of her ear.

"I want to see you go wild," he whispered in answer.

To be continued….


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

"AJ, noooooo!" Mac cried as he nibbled on her earlobe. "I don't like loosing control."

Pulling back enough to look into her pleading eyes, he asked, "Don't you know you're safe with me?"

She had always known she was safe when AJ was near. Look how he saved her life taking that bullet meant for her, but giving up control this way was mainly a trust issue. She did trust him as she had done no one else in her life. With a shy smile she said, "I think that the song you played for me said it best, my heart has always known that our spirits are one. You are my other half AJ, how can I not trust you?"

Moved by the faith she put in him he tenderly kissed her lips and once again trailed kisses to her ear. This time she didn't pull away, he could feel a tension in her as if she instinctively wanted to, but was fighting that urge.

Ever so lightly he trailed the tip of his tongue around the outer edge of her ear. Even that light touch had her squirming. When he captured her lobe gently between his teeth she gasped out his name as she came.

When she could finally speak again Mac said, "That's never happened to me before!"

"I have to admit it was a first for me as well," AJ told her. "I know the ears can be an erogenous zone, but never before have I known anyone that sensitive. It makes me eager to explore the rest of your amazing body to find out what other areas are as responsive."

With a light blush staining her cheeks she said, "I could save your time and just tell you."

"But where would the fun be in that?" he asked with a smile.

"Then explore at your will, my love," she offered as she prepared herself to enjoy the adventure.

What she discovered though was that rather than an adventure, his exploration of her body was more along the lines of delicious torture. He played with and worshiped her breasts until she came again. Then he had her giggling as he teased her belly button. Moving past her aching center he discovered that massaging her feet would cause her to moan in pleasure and even though she claimed not to be at all ticklish, when he reached the back of her knees, he discovered she had been lying. However by the stunned look on her face before she broke down into helpless laughter she might not have known about this secret ticklish spot either. AJ loved tormenting her into such a state that she could barely breathe.

Mac had no way of knowing that AJ was about to stop tickling her and make love to her when she took matters into her own hands. Reaching up and taking hold of his shoulders she flipped him onto his back and cheerfully in triumph sat astride his hips.

He laughed at the joy in her face at her success and eagerly looked forward to finding out what she wanted to do to him.

Exploring his body was a dream come true for her. She couldn't count the number of times she had wished this pleasure could be hers and now here they were in his bed, in each others arms, and in love! They were going to have a future together and she could still hardly take that in. But she could dwell on that later, for now she wanted to explore every inch of him, just as he had her.

Running her hands over his muscled chest, she found her way to his nipples nestled in his chest hair. Tweaking them into hard nubs, she watched as his eyes closed in pleasure. Another indication that he approved of her actions was the growing evidence of his arousal nudging against her backside.

She ran her hands down his body as she lifted hers up and over his erection. He spread his legs so she could lay between them as she took his shaft in her hands. Stroking him to even greater heights Mac smiled before taking him in her mouth. After just a few minutes of her loving attention, his body was bowed on the bed.

Moaning his approval of her actions, AJ managed to gasp out, "Sarah, if you don't stop now I won't be able to come inside of you!"

With a grin as she took her mouth off of him she said, "What a hard choice…to taste you, or to have you inside of me…"

To be continued….


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

With an answering smile, AJ told her, "As much as I love the feel of being in that hot and sexy mouth of yours, my love, I would also like to be inside of you."

"Oh I'd like that too!"

"Would you ride me Sarah?"

"Really?!" she asked, surprised at his request.

"Yes, why do you doubt it?"

"It's just that I never pictured you as someone who would give up control like that…"

"I guess there are still some things we need to learn about the other then. At work there is a command structure for a reason, but that doesn't have to be the case in a relationship or marriage. The partners can easily be equals and share the power, control, and decision making. That is the kind of balance of power I'd like to have with you."

"AJ, you never cease to amaze me! That is exactly the kind of partnership I've always wanted, but have never been able to find!"

"Then we're in agreement?"

"Oh yes!" she exclaimed happily.

"And you'll ride me?" he teased with a grin to indicate that he was still waiting for her answer to that question.

Without another word she took his shaft in her hand and carefully guided it to her hot and ready center. She slowly lowered herself onto him until he was buried deeply inside of her.

His knees rose to give her a backrest if she wanted one and he held out his hands to help her brace herself as she started to move up and down on him. Her strong legs made it unnecessary, but the added connection with him was something she wouldn't pass up.

He watched her beautiful breasts bounce up and down in time with her movements on his cock and couldn't resist the temptation to let go of her hands to play with them.

The feel of his thumbs on her nipples combined with his hardness throbbing inside of her fueled her passions to a fever pitch. Her movements on him became faster.

Both of their heart rates increased and their breathing became gasps for air. They raced together towards the ultimate fulfillment a couple can attain and within moments of each other they plunged over the edge into the land of bliss that only lovers can share.

Their lovemaking had been incredible. She couldn't ever remember having been this completely satisfied or content in her life. As she collapsed next to him and he took her into his arms, she wondered what she had ever done to deserve being this happy. That was when the tears started. She tried to turn her head away so he wouldn't see them, but even as she did a sob caught her off guard and he knew.

"Sarah! What is it? Did I hurt you in some way?" he asked looking into her eyes searching for an answer.

All she could do was shake her head 'no' as the sobs kept coming and she buried her head in his shoulder.

"Oh my love, please tell me what's wrong!" he begged as he ran his hands up and down her back trying to sooth her.

"I don't deserve this…I don't deserve you!" she managed to gasp out.

"What in the world do you mean, Sarah?!"

"I don't deserve to be this happy! Nothing I've done in my life could have led me here! Somehow I'll screw this up and ruin both our lives!"

"Oh Sarah, no! Of course you deserve to be happy! You deserve every good thing life has to offer! You're an amazing woman and there isn't anything that you could do to screw this up! A life together is never easy. It takes work to make everything right and as long as we are both willing to work at our relationship then we will have a wonderful marriage and life together."

"How can you be so sure of that, AJ?"

"Because I know you Sarah! Never in your life have you backed away from something just because it was difficult! I know that whatever troubles the future may bring the two of us, we will see it through together, just like we will for the good times too."

With a blissful sigh she snuggled closer into his arms as her tears stopped. "You're right. As long as we're together we can face anything, and like the song you played for me said, 'I'll go wherever you go'."

THE END


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